Justin Trudeau Crying Over Support for Baby Daddy Fidel Castro Theory

By Casey Riley

It seems the state-funded media have finally caught on to a story about the true parentage of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau that Woke Up! broke back in our October podcast. Good job on catching up with the people’s media: AP, Reuters and The South China Morning Post!

Talk about a diplomatic affair!
The state-funded media is now openly reporting on rumours that Justin Trudeau’s real father is in fact former Cuban Dictator Fidel Castro! The long-running theory that Justin Trudeau is actually the illegitimate love child of Margaret Trudeau, wife of Pierre Trudeau at the time, and the LatinX Love Machine has gone viral online recently, particularly in relation to the way baby-faced Justin has waged war on anyone against him.

Although Justin attempts to play politics like Pierre, it’s pretty obvious to most insiders that Justin’s wild-eyed tyrannical approach to Canadian citizens looks more like the long-serving Cuban dictator than the humble and astute Trudeau senior.

Which makes it no surprise that the Prime Minister is now working on plans to enact the Emergencies Act to crush the on going anti mandate movement that has sprung up across the country. The act would give the federal government “special temporary measures that may not be appropriate in normal times.”

Justin has also repeatedly praised the rule of dictators such as Fidel Castro and the Communist Government of China for their ability to manipulate and control their citizens. And it doesn’t help that Justin looks more and more like Fidel.  

Spitting Image!
(LEFT) Justin Castro (RIGHT) Fidel Castro

During a Woke Up! News conference last week at the Fairmont Château Laurier, anti-mandate protestors and podcast hosts Mad Dug and Anthony said that whether it’s genetics or not, Trudeau is acting like a true dictator through his heavy-handed, intrusive and tyrannical measures he has taken over the past two years to flatten the curve. 

A hippie in the sixties Margaret Trudeau met the elder statesman Pierre when she was only 18 and he was a tired old 51. And while old Pierre liked to be in the sack by 10 p.m., his younger promiscuous wife had been known to have bedded everyone from the Rolling Stones to Jack Nicholson, Ryan O’Neal, Lou Rawls, and even U.S. Senator Ted Kennedy (yuck!) after only a few years of holy matrimony. Is it really that hard to believe that Fidel buried his seed in the former flower child?  

“What difference does it make who’s his baby daddy,” said one protestor at the Ottawa Freedom Rally. “We just want to be treated fairly under the law. Save all this who’s the father crap for Maury Povich.”

In the increasingly ridiculous world of the state-funded media, the Government of Canada weighed into the fray by making an official statement on the issue!

While most state-funded news outlets are shooting down the theory of Justin being a bastard, other commentators have different takes. 

Politics makes for strange bedfellows
Podcaster and stand-up comic, Dr. Jordan Peterson calls the illusions to Justin’s true parentage “mean spirited satire” and “a nasty bit of innuendo. What’s your point, so he’s born a communist? That’s a stupid point.”

“At the same time,” says the acclaimed author who also loves Karaoke and long walks on the beach. “The Trudeaus have no one to blame but themselves,” explaining that it was Justin’s father and former Prime Minister Pierre who played political footsie with Castro in the 70s. And now, prognosticates Dr. J, “The chickens have come home to roost for Justin who doesn’t exactly go out of his way to separate himself from the views of the radical left.” 

Whoever Trudeau’s baby daddy is one thing is certain, Canadians are taking back full custody of their country from their deadbeat daddy Justin Trudeau.

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