By Toby Gelman
Leaders from around the world are demonstrating shock and confusion after Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau delivered an inappropriate Valentine’s Day gift to his peace-loving citizens. Wrapped in fear and lies, Trudeau delivered the Emergencies (War Measures) Act. An unwarranted attack on Canadian democracy and innocent citizens.
But the truckers and their supporters are not returning the love and have instead said a collective F**** Trudeau to the lecherous left-wing leader.
What’s inside the box of assorted abuses?
- Arrest and detainment without charges or trials
- Frozen bank accounts and confiscation of private property
- Canceled insurance
- The power to prohibit public assembly
- Travel bans to certain destinations
- Force individuals and companies to render essential services
Even more troubling is that the use of any cryptocurrency could be considered “Terrorist Financing.” These are just a few of the tyrannical measures Trudeau, bastard child of former Cuban Dictator Fidel Casto now has authority over for the next 30 days.
And although he stated that he won’t be calling in the military, everyone knows baby faced Trudeau is a small man who thinks the rules don’t apply to him.
“Terrifying,” said one man outside the Kremlin in Moscow. “From what I’ve heard it is only a simple protest: signs and horns. They seem to be telling him clearly, no. He’s looking and sounds more and more like a stalker.”
At home the Canadian Civil Liberties association says that invoking the Emergencies Act does not meet the “high and clear” threshold needed. The organization notes that the law can only be properly used when a situation cannot be dealt with using any other law in the country.
The peaceful protesters, some of whom are young children, have been camped outside the Canadian Parliament buildings in Ottawa for almost three weeks. The protestors, making up a broad cross section of genders, ethnicities and political leanings have spent their time in that nation’s capital singing songs, feeding the homeless, shovelling snow–when not erecting portable hot tubs, soup kitchens, and inflatable bouncy castles. Their reasonable demands include the removal of draconian COVID-19 mandates, such as wearing a mask, quarantining, and dining at a restaurant without a passport.
Despite the simple requests, Trudeau won’t take no for an answer. He has accused them of racism and violence; however, Ottawa police have not been able to confirm either. And now, fed up with Trudeau’s overreach the Ottawa Chief of Police has called it quits.
“The rise to power has clearly taken its toll on him. He can’t seem to keep his hand to himself when it comes to people’s bodily autonomy. It’s like something out of a movie starring Kevin Spacey,” said our informing Aide deep in the bowels of a forgotten government agency.
World leaders are even taking a step back from the G7 pretty boy. The fear of course is guilt by association, but with the possibility of a full scale war between Ukraine and Russia nobody wants a world war #ME3 on their hands.