By Toby Gelman
In an often mumbled and incoherent virtue signalling speech to U.S. citizens during Tuesday evening’s State of the Union address, an often confused and visibly sleepy President Joe Biden, 78, warned Russia to back down on Ukraine or else.
“He’s ready for World War 3,” warns our Woke Up! political strategist. “Joe has been asleep for most of his career, but as his life comes to a close he’s ready to go out with a bang!”
And that bang could come by way of a bio weapon attack that Biden is orchestrating with funnyman turned president of Ukraine Volodymyr “Don’t Forget to Tip Your Waitress” Zelensky.
Could a miscalculation of a possible global theorem-nuclear war be a bigger bomb than Paddington 2 (which stared Zelensky as the voice of the titular bear).
Overwhelming evidence proves that there are as many as 16 secret biolabs scattered throughout the Ukrainian countryside and many believe they may contain a manmade virus similar to COVID-19 (also manmade), but with only a 99.98% survival rate.
Masks, Mandates and Martial Law
“Just when you thought it was over there is something even more deadly waiting behind the corner,” says our health expert. “COVID-19 has a 99.98% survival rate and we saw how crazy people went with masks, mandates, and martial law. Imagine if they released something new that also had a 99.98% survival rate? We’d be screwed.”
And screwed is just what Ukraine wants to do to Russia, as they, according to CNN, escalate their attacks on the nation, which began in 2014. Ukraine wants to join NATO and the EU and they’ll do anything to get there, including infecting the Russian population with a lethal cold-like virus.
“Hey, it worked the first time, but the main problem with a deadly virus attack is that it then becomes up to the computer programmer and out-of-shape billionaire Bill Gates to decide when it’s over.”
That said, according to Gates unofficial Twitter account, COVID-19 ended sometime in the afternoon of March 1, 2022 – almost two years to the day of the worldwide lockdown.