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Justin Trudeau’s Magical Mystery Tour

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has an album full of photo-ops from his recent trip to Europe. The social media, selfie loving narcissist was apparently there to coordinate a ‘global response to the Ukraine conflict’. But his high-flying holiday slideshow sings a different tune. 

Get Woke Up! as we expose the full picture on Trudeau’s Farewell Tour (WE WISH!) Click on through as this fool on parliament hill records his double fantasy inflation distraction with his penny-lane antics – IN HIS VERY OWN WORDS. Hello and goodbye! 

  • Day 2 - England - HER MAJESTY'S A PRETTY NICE GIRL: The Sun Newspaper (the real one that has topless girls, not the Toronto one) called my uh, audience with Queen Elizabeth II a “meeting of the two queens” I don’t get it. But Queens are fierce and powerful according to my Woke dictionary (I call it my Woketionary). Here’s what our maskless mouths were saying: Queen of England: I never liked your father. He was a radical. Your mother should know. Drama Queen(Me): Uh. Ha. Yes. Uhm. My Mother says the same thing. Queen of England: Indeed. I don't know how she put up with Fidel.
  • Day 3 - England - EIGHT DAYS A WEEK: Boris, (he likes to be called Bor according to The Sun. Did I mention it has topless models in it!) and I had a thorough, uh, conversation about our many, many, uh, uhm, many accomplishments. I told him all about my uh, Girl Power cabinet, and legalized marajuana and .... uh, uhm, wait, there's at least one more ... what was it Bor?
  • Day 4 - Latvia - WITH A LATVIA HELP FROM MY FRIENDS: The fab four leaders of NATO with real armies were uh, confused (or maybe just jealous!). They kept teasing me as to why I had to bring Yoko to the gig? I called out their bullying and told on them to uhm, Freeland.
  • Day 5 - Latvia - LOVELY LATVIA MILITARY MADE: NATO Secretary General Jens Stoltenberg (sounds like Stolen Burger! Ha! Yum!) and I visited a military base in uhm, Kadaga (weird name!). Out of respect for indigenous culture I wore the traditional blazer of the local all-girls private school. I accessorized with my uh, uber fashionable ‘murdering gloves’. Everyone here loved the gloves! I know it's criminal… but this prince of fashion hasn’t worn them in public since I used them during the Freedom Rally on democracy.
  • Day 6 - Latvia - SILLY SERGEANT PEPPER: Wow! I got to play soldier today! My son said I was acting like an immature kid. But what does he know! I mean, he’s like 8 or 9 or 7 or something. Captain Handsome (Me): So these go bang bang? Is that right, Lieutenant? Soldier: Yes, Mr. Prime Minister, Sir. And it’s pronounced Leftenant if I may. Captain Handsome (Me): Of course. I acknowledge and respect your preferred pronoun.
  • Day 7 - Germany - MAXWELL’S SILVER ALAN KEY: The Chancellor of Germany, Olaf Scholz (related to the Snoopy guy? I’ll put it in my diary to ask Freeland) and I discussed important bilateral issues involving our favourite types of Ikea faux leather loungers. We also had an informative argument on which nationality of foreign workers assembles them best. I said, ‘The Blacks.’ Pretty sure I won that debate! You can’t see her in the photo but Freeland is off to the side taking notes. Once a journalist always a secretary I guess. Not sure why she does her notes in German. Hmmm. Uh?
  • Day 8 - Germany - CRY BABY CRY: Today we visited the railway that took the Jews to concentration camps. It was sad, but strangely Freeland didn’t seem to think it was so sad. She told me that not all Nazis knew what a concentration camp was, that they were only following orders, and if they had known they would’ve spoken up. I said, that sounds like something a Nazi would say. She got a bit twitchy and told me: “My grandfather wasn’t a Nazi, well maybe a little Nazi, like half a Nazi.” Which was good enough for me. After, that bitch Nazi took us for strudel! Yum!
  • Day 9 - Germany - LEAVING ON A JET PLANE: It was with a heavy heart that I left the fatherland of fashisim. See me herr sadly waving to the socially distanced crowd Freeland told me to pretend was there. I made sure I had a matching facemask. That was my contribution to the look. I’m like a rock star here ! Like David Hasselhoff!
  • Day 10 - Germany - OH ! DARLING: Here are my Liberal cabinet galpals Junior Lady PM Chrystia Freeland, Melanie Joly (not sure what she does? Put in diary to ask Freeland) They’re getting unfairly grilled by the paparazzi! Also, look out for their upcoming CBC/Sky Deutschland detective series, ‘Woke Twitches’ ! It’s about two tough but woke lady cops - in a man's world.
  • Day 11 - Poland - BACK IN THE USSR: I was wrong. And I apologize. As a feminist Prime Minister, I should have known better. And I promise to do better. And uh, yes, I uh, cried when I was told that local poll results, of local Pols, voted against me dressing up as a giant pierogi. This was a slip of standard diplomatic procedure. Even more embarrassing was that American Vice President Kamala Harris was permitted to dress up as a latke.
  • Day 12 - Poland - PAPERBACK WRITER: When are you going to stop with the twitching, Twitchy? I totally uh, hinted that it was not cool. Was that a microaggression on my part? Maybe I should have told her directly? No, I do not need any more chicks who can write books upset with me. Still, I’d tap dat!
  • Day 13 - Poland - Ukraine Say Goodbye, I Say Hello: And in a flash, our brave hero (me) transforms into another of his cunning disguises… (Okay, this pic MIGHT be from social media! You know what they say, if you get the clicks, you gets the chicks!)
  • Day 14 - Canada - End, The: Well. I’m back. Bad men in the media called this all just another predictable vanity studio album photo-op. And that hurt! Those are some unacceptable views! But I got the last laugh on them. They don’t even know that I totally broke up while on tour in Europe. Trudeaumania ROCKS!!!

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