In the sports world there is nothing more satisfying than seeing a grown man having a full-on temper tantrum on the playing field. We’ve seen it in baseball, soccer, and even golf. The NBA, however, takes the final buzzer with these antics and, although most athletes refrain from immature actions, there are a few special talents that excel at the artform of “The Cry.” An action that has zero effect on the outcome of the game, and only needs a dash of entitlement and a slamdunk of selfishness. Every team has at least one cry baby on their roster, but these five all-stars of whimpering take it to the basket!
5. Lebron James – LA Lakers
King James might be the guy who can bring a championship title to even a dump like Cleveland, but when it comes to waterworks this guy is the Queen! Despite having a net worth of $850 million James complains so much during a game that the refs have his wife on speed dial to pick him up when he starts throwing a tantrum. In fact, if there was a statistic for on-court meltdowns, James would definitely add league leader to his long list of accomplishments.
4. Ben Simmons – Brooklyn Nets
Australian-born Ben Simmons, the third highest-paid NBA rookie ever, is the thunder from down under when it comes to getting his own way. The former 76er whiner whined his way out of Philly and may be doing the same in New York after a quick first round exit. At 6’11 the only powerful thing about this power forward is how big a baby he is. Ben was wearing a rainbow of clothing in Game 4 of this year’s playoffs while sitting on the bench. Turns out losing is multi-coloured.
3. Joel Embiid – Philadelphia 76ers
The third pick in the 2014 draft, which saw Andrew Wiggins from Toronto selected number one, wasn’t the first time that the seven foot centre Embiid had a big cry due to the Great White North. You see, Embiid was on the court during The Shot; that famous toss that saw the Raptors eliminate the 76ers in Game 7. Still to this day Embiid vocalizes the conspiracy that Kawhi Leonard was travelling during the buzzer beater score. The Raptors went on to take the title and, while most of the Raptors have moved on after the biggest parade Toronto has ever seen, Embiid is still sniffling into his tissues about it, when he’s not earning $6 million a year shilling for Hulu, Mountain Dew, Under Armour, Electronic Arts, and Amazon.
2. Patrick Beverly – Minnesota Timberwolves
Patrick Beverly, who starred in the documentary Hoop Reality, yells and screams so much that he forgets he’s playing professional basketball. In fact, one sports commentator said Beverly sounds more like a used-car salesman than a star baller. His ten years in the league, however, has seen this point guard being dribbled around NBA teams more than a Kardashian, likely because fans, coaches, and even teammates just can’t stand to listen to him anymore.
1. Kyrie Irving – Brooklyn Nets
A former number one draft pick and current Flat Earth Truther, it’s hard not to sympathize with the king of the cry babies. Irving became a whipping boy during the 2021-22 pro-vaxx season for his outspokenness against the mandated COVID-19 vaccine. The Brooklyn Nets, along with the state of New York, went so far that they actually banned him from playing in home games. “I can really say that I stood firm on what I believed in, what I wanted to do with my body,” said Irving who took a pay cut to follow his beliefs.
That said, Irving has made it his mission to complain about every comment made about him, including from a 12-year-old kid who yelled, “You suck, Irving!” Kyrie proceeded with a character defamation lawsuit. Luckily he’s representing himself. And as the old saying goes: a man who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client.
Can someone say, Order on the Court!
Fierce lover of freedom, loud explosions and louder women DJ Johnny Jock is anything but a faceless voice of radio. Having appeared in over 400 Canadian television programs (as a background performer) over the past 20 years, Jock is a star on the rise. Also loves Pizza!!!