A New Day for Canada Day

National holiday rebranded in virtue signalling banality

Canada Day has been cancelled! At least, it has been in Winnipeg, Canada, where the tourist destination ‘The Forks’ has announced that Canada Day has been rebranded as ‘A New Day’   

Sara Stasiuk, CEO of The Forks, explains that the change was made after the discovery of unmarked graves on or near residential schools last year that she said lead the organization to: “Really think about what celebrating a colonial milestone means to so many people in our community.”

“Hey,” says our Woke Up! D-I-E (Diversity, Inclusivity, and Equity) expert Franklin Moonbeam, “we’ve cancelled comics, actors, business people, politicians so why not include a country’s friggin birthday!!!” 

POW WOW, WOW: Mr. Dress Up himself Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is the Divider-In-Chief when it comes to Canadian and Indigenous relations.

The move comes after last year’s somewhat muted Canada Day Celebrations after the so-called graves of “murdered” Indigenous children were located using ground penetrating radar scans. But as reported by Woke Up!, there has been no physical excavation of the suspected locations of so-called mass graves. And—as also reported by Woke Up!—no evidence that anyone had been murdered.

“News just keeps on coming about the atrocities that occurred under that flag. And so having a celebration without recognizing the breadth of our community, and the impact that can have, just didn’t feel responsible,” said Stasiuk.

“Can we just bury the hatchet already on this instead of circling the wagons this Indian summer?” somewhat savagely suggests Moonbeam. “Personally, I think the Left is starting to virtue signal they would rather ride with ‘Pride’ than walk a block in Indigenous moccasins.”

Woke Liberal Pride Parade with children
PRIDE COMITH BEFORE THE FALL: “Perhaps the woke left are too tired from all their wild Pride Parade antics,” says Moonbeam, referring to the many naked and sexually promiscuous attendees who flashed their junk in front of children attendees during ‘Pride Month’. “There’s a word for people who expose themselves to children. Okay, Groomer!”

But there are still plenty of the Woke organizers of the fork festivities and other groups promoting the #CancelCanadaDay movement. And while they and others virtue signal their Canada Day messages about stolen land, colonialism and statue toppling, not everyone agrees with cancelling Canada’s big birthday bash. 

In fact, Woke Up! spoke with numerous people who suggested that, despite the possibility of dead children being a tragedy, we have to remember that it was a long time ago and we need to move forward. “We plan on waving our Canadian flag proudly,” added one woman who refused to give her name for fear of retribution for being patriotic. “I’m a proud Canadian and no one is going to cancel the party for me or my family.”

But for the predicable old woke folk, July 1 is going to be a day of mourning served with a big slice of white guilt cake. Rather than the traditional fireworks, food and family fun usually celebrated at The Forks on Canada Day there will be events to “shine light on hard truths and honour children in unmarked graves”, according to Stasiuk. The decision was made after months of Indigenous-led roundtable discussions with community members, newcomers and youth. “There was a lot of interest in cross-cultural understanding and storytelling and, you know, traditional celebrations of dance and music,” she said.

One song that will almost certainly not be sung during ‘A New Day’ at the Forks this July 1 is O Canada. “Oh, Canada indeed,” sighs Moonbeam.

AD Washbro
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Senior reporter for Woke Up!

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