Will COVID-19 Jabs Become the New Morning After Pill?

Women looking for ways to defy SCOTUS Roe vs. Wade overturn

In states where abortion is now illegal, some women, including Austin, Texas resident Meghan Polly, are turning to COVID-19 vaccines for solutions. Particularly after the Supreme Court’s landmark ruling, which has allowed individual states to decide on the legality of unwanted pregnancies. Texas and a number of other states have opted to close abortion clinics.

“It’s my body, my choice,” says Polly, a Chicago native, who relocated to Austin for the liberal lifestyle, stated. “I’m pro-vaxx mandates so I’d eventually get more boosters anyway.”

With abortion bans on the rise, some women can take comfort in one of Pfizer’s vaccine’s published side effects: a possible decrease in the chances of getting pregnant. But what really piqued, the already pregnant, Polly’s interest were recent articles and data analysis from Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (OPEN VAERS) showing more than 4000 spontaneous miscarriages have been recorded after administering the COVID-19 vaccine.

“It’s killing two birds with one stone,” Polly mused while browsing for loose fitting tops at her local used-clothing store. “I can get the jab to protect myself against COVID-19 and also get rid of an unwanted pregnancy. I don’t need someone like Clarence Thomas telling me what I can do with my body.”

Polly went on to say: Some of my friends went to DC to make our voices heard in state capital buildings. It’s completely different from the January 6 “insurrection”. “Better costumes, for one,” she said as she pulled faded denim overalls from a rack.

As strange as it may sound, Polly’s idea may just work. After attending a three-day music festival in June, she discovered that she was pregnant. “I knew I wasn’t ready to be a mom,” said the 38 year-old. Polly confirmed that after the first vaccine she noticed that her menstrual cycle changed. “That’s how I got pregnant in the first place. There was no rhythm to my rhythm method. I was bleeding all the time.”

And some are speculating that this particular side effect is the reason there will be a shortage of feminine hygiene products in the near future. But for Polly she’s just hoping that a fourth booster will be the answer she’s looking for. “Obviously if it works, I’ll be encouraging other pissed-off pregnant women to get more jabs.” 

Optimistic about her future prospects, Polly’s only regret is that she may lose out on the all-expenses paid “out-of-state abortion incentive program” offered by her generous big tech firm. “It doesn’t make any sense. Where’s my all-expenses paid vacation?!”

For now, Polly is hopeful the boost will do the trick and has even coined a catchy twitter hashtag to promote her movement:  #INJECTINGisEJECTING.

Annie Ramada

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