Dating Up as Economy Heads Down

Online dating has just become a whole lot more expensive!

A recent trend on TikTok is showing that more and more women are dating men with big pay checks over looks, interests, and love. And these social media sirens aren’t hiding the fact that they’re looking for a fat wallet to dip their sticky fingers into on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and even Christian Mingle. 

“Dating up is nothing new,” says DeeDee, a licensed couples counsellor in lower Manhattan. “Evolution has always shown us that women are looking for security and a comfortable nest to start a family.”

That said, the latest trend is making a lot of men on both sides feel inferior, self-conscious, and financially exploited. 

Boom or Busty Girls

“If I posted about how I only want hot women with big breasts, I’d be cancelled,” says Tony, a mechanic from Yonkers, who hasn’t had a date in more than six months. 

ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL: “Sleepy” Joe Biden, who identifies as senile, has been spending billions of US dollars on supporting Ukraine’s fake war, as well as trying to clear his son’s disgraced name.

Some experts, however, are blaming the Biden administration for this unhealthy trend. In fact, since taking office, Sleepy Joe has thrown the economy into a nosedive, similar to the historic crash of 1929. Especially with the billions he’s sent over to Ukraine and millions more that he’s used to try to clear his degenerate son’s name. 

“The global pandemic showed how fragile our economy is. It showed how the government could take everything from you and the media would stand by the establishments side and count its ad money. It’s no wonder women are gold digging,” says our sex and love expert. 

Transitioning for a Bit of Coin

Tony continues by saying that online dating is becoming a haven for women looking for a free ride, a credit card, and an easy life. “I can’t afford it. Maybe I’ll go gay.”

IS THAT A BITCOIN IN YOUR POCKET: Dating Up, the newest trend on dating apps, is clearing the way for successful nerds like founder of Ethereum Vitalik Buterin to have somebody else play with their joystick for once… but it’s going to cost them.

On the other side, investment bankers, lawyers, doctors and other six figure professional men are feeling the pinch of dollar chasing debutants too. “The girls I’m meeting are only concerned with one thing,” adds Walter, an ER doctor and vaccine skeptic. “I just want love, but I’m not looking to pay off someone’s college debt to get it.”

Bitcoin investor Blake says he “gets it” and regularly dates down. “I don’t see the problem with it, these women are just smart investors. Who invests their time and effort in a loser with no money and no future?” 

From Russia With Love

The fiat money denier says that a lot of the women he dates are admittedly just after his crypto, but some of them are “very real,” once you get to know them. “I actually got pretty heavily involved with a Russian girl who fits the stereotype. We were really in love after getting to know each other online. It turned out though that her mother was really sick and she had to break things off to take care of her. I hope the surgery I paid for went okay. I haven’t heard from her for a while.”

The long-term economic outlook looks bleak with the growing threat of a global thermo nuclear war, pandemic recovery, and a likely depression. 

“Truthfully,” Tony the mechanic ponders. “Soon we may not even have any money left. We need to start living in the moment, and that includes online dating.  

We’re seeing more and more women publicly admit that they don’t want the sweet sensitive artist anymore or the handsome hulk, but prefer a man with endless cash flow. It’s what we’ve become post pandemic, sighs DeeDee.

Mad Dug DuChamp
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Mad Dug Duchamp is the co-host of the award-winning podcast Woke Up!

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