Are you having trouble keeping up with the Current Thing? Is your triple vaccinated Black Ukrainian neighbor making you feel confused? Or perhaps men seeking abortions to save the planet from climate change is having you wonder what type of simulation you’re sharing with the NPCs all around you.
Well, with the GWU! Guide to the History of the Current Thing we’ve got you covered for the next time the top 1% come up with some new scam that plays on the goodwill of anyone dumb enough to fall for these psyops again and again.
October 2016
#MeToo
The Hollywood C-list celeb movement that rightfully called out sex pests like Harvey Weinstein set the stage for average people rejecting the projections of La La Land in more ways than one. The initially sympathetic ‘believe all women’ Current Thing shifted to seeing the whole picture, including the hypocrisy of women who spent their entire career sexualizing themselves and then getting their panties in a knot about being sexualized. (We’re looking at you Alyssa Milano—ed)
January 2017
Women’s March
The day after President Donald Trump’s inauguration women united to march for female equality that they worried would end under him. This Current Thing took place in an ancient and storied time when being a woman didn’t include having a penis. Little did the adult human female marchers realize at the time that their long hard labor of cultivating equity through feminism would eventually be reaped by men in dresses.
January 2019
Climate Change
St. Greta Thunberg ushered in the newest Current Thing to divide and conquer on the holy quest for WEF profits. Fuming “How dare you!” Current Thingers raised the temperature on the lie that the oceans were ‘boiling,’ the planet was burning, and the only way to fix any of it would be to sacrifice eating meat, driving cars, and flying in planes on the altar of Climate Alarmism (Don’t forget forest fires!—ed).
March 2020
The COVID-19 Pandemic
This Current Thing made sure everyone was all in it together by closing businesses, schools, and churches with a constant stream of fear delivered 24/7 by the media from their masters in the government. Three weeks to flatten the curve turned into years of unscientific masking, social distancing and forced vaxxing. With alternative voices silenced by Big Tech and the government there was no inoculation from the Current Thing of keeping granny safe from COVID—just so she could die alone, locked in her nursing home (Thanks for keeping us six-feet apart, President Fauci—ed).
June 2020
Black Lives Matter
In response to convicted felon and drug dealer George Floyd’s death, millionaire athletes ‘took the knee’ for 2 minutes during a performatory display of nationalism. The Current Thing of Covid was temporarily put on hold so that ‘mostly peaceful protests’ could be held where hooligans looted while white liberals guilted. The Current Thing of Black Lives Matter, Diversity Equity, and Inclusion and defunding the police has since resulted in those same white liberals who pumped their fists in the air and kissed the feet of ‘the oppressed’ to wonder if their lives matter. With their children now unable to attend good schools, get decent jobs, and buy homes all due to DEI, they now fear going outside their own homes into the crime-ridden egalitarian paradise their naive thinking created.
January 2021
‘The Insurrection’
When a ‘violent group of extremists’ ‘stormed’ the capital on January 6 after the police let them in to slightly ruffle some papers on Nancy Pelosi’s desk and take selfies in AOC’s extra wide load seat in the senate, the Current Thing legislated the peaceful protest into an ‘Insurrection’ and ‘Attack on Democracy.’ Wait, wasn’t there a pandemic going on? you ask. Shouldn’t all those nasty MAGA chuds be dead from COVID? Scientifically speaking, the virus took the knee like it did during BLM.
March 2021
Covid Vaccines
Evolution of a Vaccines Save Lives Current Thinker:
Guys we can only beat Covid once the most vulnerable have been vaccinated.
No one is safe, until everyone is safe. I’m getting vaccinated as soon as I can.
It’s a two dose regimen.
It’s always been a two dose regimen.
Follow the science! I mean, I might need a booster, which is totally recommended and super safe and effective, just so we can have a normal summer.
Vaccine passports and mandatory vaccines are our only way out of this.
Bro, it’s just a fourth booster so we can have Thanksgiving this year. I just want to see my family at Christmas.
I already took three and was totally fine.
I’m rolling up my sleeve and doing my part!
You know that these vaccines work best when updated every six months, like a computer program, right?
I’m at like 8 or 9 now and am totally … oh, wait. I have Vaids.
February 2022
Ukraine
When blue and yellow flags started replacing masks and needles in Twitter bios it was clear the Current Thing was on the march. The Russian Invasion of Ukraine became the most important war happening on the planet, that has nothing to do with the United States. As money and weapons flowed freely into the hands of soldier boy Zelinsky the stage was set for the stars of the show, the money laundering military industrial complex’s theater of war in the middle east.
March 2023
LGBTQQIP2SAA / Trans Gender Rights
With pronouns in ‘HER’ bio, and a sausage between his legs, Dylan Mulvaney caused this Current Thing to ruin the taste of light beer the minute he became the disgusting spokesman for Bud Light. Any push back, like asking, ‘What Is a Woman?’ was met with the totally reasonable argument of: ‘SHUT UP YOU TERF!!!’ By throwing all the disparate gender groups into an acronym alphabet soup served up by Transmen in libraries, the Current Thing eventually had its whining weiner snipped as 99.99% of the population decided to stop bending over backwards for the 00000000.1% who have a mental issue.
October 2023
Israel-Palestine Conflict
The most current Current Thing program is the brand new conflict between Israel and Palestine, that has been going on since 1948. With Western governments backing the Israelis and leftists backing the Palestinians, the fake division and theatrics over a piece of land half the size of LA, but with double the amount of unemployed actors is truly an award-winning Current Thing performance. Be sure to look out for the derivative, profit driven blockbuster sequel this summer, WW3.
March 2024
Internet Censorship
With governments around the world enacting more and more state censorship to ‘reduce online harms’ and ‘misinformation’ could 2024 be the final year of the Current Thing? From book bans in public libraries to social media users being censored by Big Tech and big government online the disturbing trend towards the drastic limiting of freedom of speech continues. Just recently the US Supreme brought to trial the issue of the federal government being able to pressure social media companies to remove harmful posts and misinformation from their platforms while Canada’s impending ‘Online Harms Act’ is poised to criminalize ‘Hate Precrime’ and England’s already enacted draconian ‘Thought crime’ law has citizens self-censoring themselves online for fear of a visit from police. As the Internet itself becomes more and more sanitized of dissenting opinions the propaganda of the government may already be on track to being the final Current Thing.
I mean, to be fair, Dylan Mulvaney didn’t ruin the taste of light beer, light beer ruined the taste of light beer. And light beer was already associated with women and gay men.
(There was a scene in an old Cheers episode where everyone’s trying to figure out if some guys are gay, fearing Cheers might get turned into a gay bar. They scrutinize every detail, and when one of the men walks up to the bar and orders light beers, they feel their fears are confirmed.)