John Tory’s Lockdown Lover Unmasked 

City Hall insider tells all about Mayor’s pandemic paramour

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Disgraced Mayor John Tory is out of a job with the shocking revelation of his illicit affair with a former City Hall staffer—identified by a Toronto-based newspaper columnist as Emily Hillstrom! 

According to city records, Hillstrom worked as a mayoral advisor to Tory during the COVID-19 pandemic and accompanied the now two-timing three-term mayor on a number of official trips—both within Canada and internationally. The 31-year-old, however, left Tory’s office and is now rumored to be working for Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment (MLSE).

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But our City Hall insider, who was fired from their job for not complying with Tory’s draconian vaccine mandate, is ready to spill all the TMI to GWU! about the lusty lockdown era affair between the young blonde bombshell and her sleazy senior citizen suiter.

JAB! JAB! JAB!

“They had been together for almost the entire pandemic,” tattles our unvaxxed insider. “They definitely kept it secret at City Hall, but I always suspected that Tory was helping himself more than the city during the lockdown.”

Our insider continues that Tory, the father of four children—all older than his young lover—was obviously in lust. “He shipped his 40 plus years faithful wife Barb to Florida for the pandemic so he could stay up north and continue the affair. I don’t think Barb knew what was going on because he probably kept telling her that he was staying up all night pounding away for the city.”

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During Tory’s disgraceful resignation speech on February 10, the heir to the Rogers’ media empire fortune claimed that the relationship ended earlier this year, which would be within the last five weeks. “It’s clear that the relationship didn’t end on good terms. Perhaps Tory should have had her sign an NDA—something that is quite common in Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s office,” laughs our insider. 

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JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL

THIS CITY HAS 22 MINUTES: Toronto’s sad and desperate media spent the weekend trying to get a quote from John Tory’s former lover, but ended up contacting the wrong Emily Hillstrom. The U.S. Emily was in good spirits as she mocked the City’s gong show journos.

Hillstrom, a bright-eyed blonde who graduated from the University of Ottawa in 2014 in Political Science and Government, was crowned Miss. Sault Ste. Marie in 2012, she also performed for the University of Ottawa Gee-Gee’s Dance Team, according to her Tumblr profile. “It’s a laughable cliche,” rats our insider. “Old man using his power. Young beauty trying to climb the ladder. That’s likely why Tory was singing the praises of Pfizer for three years,” our insider states, with an obvious reference to Pfizer’s Viagra product.

The northern Ontario beauty was barely out of the crib when Tory failed in his bid to beat then Toronto Mayor David Miller. In fact, Hillstrom was still a teen when Live Drive, an AM talk radio show with John Tory, began airing on CFRB. “I’m sure she had better things to do than listen to Mr. Privilege whine to his listeners about taxes and potholes.”  

MONKEY BUSINESS

HAIR-LARIOUS: With salons closed during the lockdown, John Tory’s hair took on a life of its own. Clearly looks didn’t seem to bother his young lover.

Often seen gallivanting with the transvestite community, many say they saw a huge change with Tory over the pandemic and not just with his hair style: “from his staunch conservativism to becoming a woke pronoun using, knee bending, flag waving, trans loving embarrassment,” says our insider. “Perhaps that had something to do with Hillstrom’s influence. The old timer trying to get all TikTok with his new millennial squeeze.” 

LOCKDOWN LOVER

A fierce proponent of unscientific lockdowns, mask wearing, and staying home to stay safe during the pandemic, critics are saying sanctimonious Tory was not practicing what he preached. While Tory was constantly in the media extolling the virtues of social distancing and shaming those who didn’t get vaxxed, the two-timer was jabbing away. “Mr. Hair,” as he became known, acted like he was suffering alone in his massive downtown penthouse with nothing but Rogers OnDemand to keep him company. Little did they know to what extent he was abusing his power.  

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“We know that the pandemic was a joke, but as we’re now seeing the stars of COVID-19 theatre fall from grace, like that horse-faced lady in Australia (New Zealand, actually—ed) and Andrew Cuomo in New York, we can see how bamboozled we really were,” says Toronto hairstylist Bari Wendt.

CRISIS ACTORS: John Tory played the part of ‘Concerned Mayor’ during the pandemic, fooling almost everyone. However, as more and more stars of COVID-19 Theatre are being exposed as puppets, they may soon find that the polk-a-dot door is closing faster than they can change out of their wolf’s clothing.

NO AMNESTY

Wendt says that many of the customers at her busy Etobicoke salon are calling on moneybags Tory (who also side hustles for Canadian cable giant Rogers and has an estimated net worth of fifty million dollars), to cover the cost of the city by-election to replace the creepy uncle grandpa.

“Why should the city have to pay for an election?” snips Wendt. “We just had one! This John is only resigning because he got caught.”

Wendt says that she’s hearing from her chair a lot of anger and confusion over why the formerly boring father figure mayor threw it all away. “Maybe he didn’t have enough to eat at home!” laughs Wendt referring to previous Mayor Rob Ford, who although was a crack smoking slob, never strayed from the commitment he made to his wife.

SUBWAYS! SUBWAYS! SUBWAYS!: Rob Ford´s four-year tenure as mayor of Toronto was marred by his crack cocaine use. He later died from a rare form of cancer.

That said, the bought Toronto mainstream media is already running cover for Tory calling his resignation ‘honorable’ and ‘old school’ despite the mayor clearly breaking every rule in the HR handbook and tarnishing the city’s good reputation. And that makes our voter vexed. “If he was so guilt stricken why didn’t he resign before the election and save us all this drama.”

The vocal voter says that when the by-election is called she’ll be voting for someone with real integrity and not a ‘corporate meat puppet’ like Tory. “Tory was supposed to be the boring, respectable mayor after the gong show that was Rob Ford. At least Ford was an actual family man, who, even with all his faults, always put the people and the city first.”

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Tory, who will be 69 in May, landed Toronto’s top job in 2014, the same time that Hillstrom was completing her degree at the University of Ottawa. Former leader of the provincial Conservative Party, Tory won reelection as mayor in 2018 and again in 2022, which he promised his devoted wife Barb would be his last. However, Tory’s political career died suddenly when his philandering came to light. 

“I’m done with the candidates the media picks to win,” fumes Wendt who says she is hoping that anti-establishment freedom fighter and gym bro Chris Sky will throw his tank top into the ring. “We need a mayor who tells the truth.”

But with an election a mere sixty days from when the mayor’s seat officially becomes vacant later this week, it’s anyone’s guess who will take over the top job. 

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1 COMMENT

  1. What a pig Tory is. He should resign now. No further delay. Because the drip, drip, drip of information on his perky blonde cheerleader type is going to get much worse for him.

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