Dear Karen and Kevin,
Up until this point I have dined indoors zero times. I’m one of the two people in an office of 60 that consistently masks with a proper N95. I take water breaks and eat my lunch in an abandoned stairwell. Now I’m on vacation with my girlfriend (who’s concerned but a bit more relaxed about Covid) and she really wants to go to a particular restaurant. Online, it says they have outdoor dining but when I called ahead to make sure, they said that was only ‘during the pandemic’ (SMH!). Should I just go to keep her happy or stay home and stay safe?
Nathaniel, Not Sure in New Jersey
Kevin: With rising cases of the omicron variant named XBB.1.5 your concerns are reasonable, Nathaniel. We all have to take care of ourselves so that we are able to take care of the ones we love, like your girlfriend. (Ooops! I don’t love your girlfriend, Nathaniel, you know what I mean!) But while your girlfriend sounds like she’ll respect your wishes, are you thinking about hers? Maybe you can go at a less busy time or request a table away from other diners. You can mask, bite, mask, too. Remember that all healthy relationships are built on compromise and taking care of each other.
Karen: It sounds like your girlfriend will soon be taking care of herself, Nathaniel. Because if you eat at that restaurant, you’ll be dead. There can be no compromise in an ongoing and resurging global pandemic. You can never put another person’s needs above your personal health and safety. It’s selfish. For example, in 2020, Kevin requested I provide sexual activities for him once a month, using prophylactics with no kissing or touching (obviously). This was, of course, laughably ridiculous. As mandated by Canada’s Chief Public Health Officer Theresa Tam the only safe sex during a pandemic is through a glory hole. That’s why I started sending Kevin to the docks with twenty dollars, for his safety. Maybe Kevin was thinking about your girlfriend while a greasy dock worker polished his mast through a hole in a rotting, mouse infested drywall. I don’t know and don’t care so long as he’s safe to come home to me at night and sleep in the garage on a cot.
If you have a question for Karen and Kevin, write to [email protected].
