Remember when you were at the department store as a kid shopping for clothes with your mom? There were only two aisles, men and women. That was it. Those were the options and they weren’t really options but … realities. Pretty straight forward, right?
Thanks to the Internet, kids today can choose their own clothes online and won’t be led around by their mom (or moms) or gender normative department store distinctions. In fact, according to Medicine.net there are 72 genders for kids to pick and choose from, ranging all the way from “Agender” to “Omnigender”.
But how can young people even begin to learn and understand what each of those genders are and really mean? Well, Get Woke Up! is here for the kids to help them and anyone over the age of 30 translate the meaning of all 72 genders.
1. Agender
A person who does not identify themselves with or experience any gender. Agender people are also called null-gender, genderless, gendervoid, or neutral gender.
Translation: A kissless virgin who will be forever alone who instead of facing the truth has instead deluded themselves into believing they have ascended to a higher plane of existence, free from gender or the need for human affection.
2. Abimegender
Associated with being profound, deep, and infinite. The term abimegender may be used alone or in combination with other genders.
Translation: When being #deep just isn’t enough to get people to pay attention to you and read your shitty, pseudo-intellectual thought-nuggets on Twitter.
3. Aerogender
Also called Evaisgender, this gender identity changes according to one’s surroundings.
Translation: A social chameleon trying to blend in with others by changing their appearance and personality with each new person they meet or interact with. This is because they either lack the ability to develop real character or might just be the next Ted Bundy.
4. Affectugender
This is based on the person’s mood swings or fluctuations.
Translation: Being stuck in an abusive relationship with a bi-polar crossdresser.
5. Ambigender
Having two specific gender identities simultaneously without any fluidity or fluctuations.
Translation: Hermaphrodite / Cartman’s Mom.
6. Ambonec
The person identifies themselves as both man and woman and yet does not belong to either.
Translation: See above.
7. Angenital
The person desires to be without any primary sexual characterists although they do not identify themselves as genderless.
Translation: The next Vastrato or participant in the Pain Olympics.
8. Apagender
The person has apathy or a lack of feelings toward one’s gender identity.
Translation: Someone who cared enough about their gender to come up with this nonsense label.
9. Biogender
Having a gender that is closely related to nature.
Translation: A tree hugger and smelly vegan who wishes Batman villain Poison Ivy were real and that her girlfriend wasn’t Harley Quinn.
10. Boyflux
The person identifies as male, but they experience varying degrees of male identity. This may range from feeling agender to completely male.
Translation: When your feelings of masculinity fluctuate depending on the amount of soy in your diet and the size of your dick.
11. Caelgender
This gender identity shares the qualities or aesthetics of outer space.
Translation: A cold, endless void with alien features and large amounts of gas, e.g. Anya Taylor-Joy, Lori Lightfoot.
12. Cisgender
Being closely related to the gender assigned at birth during the persons entire life.
Translation: A label thrust upon normal male/female people / otherwise known as being normal.
13. Colorgender
In this category, colors are used to describe gender, for example, pink gender or black gender.
Translation: Go to gender when the color of your skin just isn’t earning you enough praise or reparations.
14. Commogender
The person knows that they are not cisgender yet continues to identify as one for a while.
Translation: When you just aren’t ready to leave the closet yet and reveal how much of a stark raving lunatic you are to your friends and family.
15. Domgender
The individual has multiple genders with one dominating over the rest.
Translation: Multiple Personality Disorder.
16. Duragender
Having more than one gender with one lasting longer than the others.
Translation: When your genders are like batteries the one that lasts longest is clearly a Duracell battery, hence the name.
17. Egogender
It is a personal type of gender identified by the individual alone. It is based on the person’s experience within the self.
Translation: The complete absence of the logical Superego and total control of the mindless Id, fuelled by Tik-Tok, social media and Love Island.
18. Exgender
The denial to identify with any gender on the gender spectrum.
Translation: When your ex-gender hurt you so badly and you’ve given up on finding the right one.
19. Existigender
The person’s gender identity exists only when they make conscious efforts to realize it.
Translation: There is no gender, only ZUUL.
20. Fluidflux
It means to be fluid between two or more genders with a fluctuation in the intensity of those genders.
Translation: Oh my God so quirky and random XD!!
21. Gemigender
The person has two genders that are opposite yet they flux and work together.
Translation: Yeah but tell me about the wage gap between those two genders.
22. Genderblank
It is closely related to a blank space.
Translation: Having the same downstairs anatomy as a Barbie doll.
23. Genderpuck
The person resists to fit in societal norms concerning genders.
Translation: The society resists to cater to their mental illness and/or stupidity.
24. Girlflux
The individual identifies themselves as a female but with varying intensities of female identities.
Translation: When your feelings of femininity fluctuate depending on how much male attention you get and the size of your breasts.
25. Healgender
A gender identity that gives the person peace, calm and positivity.
Translation: When your gender is your safety blanket and safe space. This applies to all of the above and below too.
26. Omnigender
Having or experiencing all genders.
Translation: Someone who has experienced total mental collapse and is now collecting genders like Infinity Stones to become the supreme ruler of social media.
(Ed—The author had to stop here when their brain seized up trying to make sense of this meaningless mumbo jumbo.)
