It’s 3 AM mid-January in the Pacific Palisades and I’m with a group of liberal arsonists, known as Matchbox 2030, who are about to turn LA into a blazing inferno!
Gene, a Biden supporter from Vermont, has brought a couple of blow torches, while Samantha, a former Harris volunteer and a subscriber to Gavin Newsom’s newsletter, holds accelerants such as gasoline and oily rags. Our car is parked about half a mile down a winding path that passes Emmy-award-winning actor James Woods’ mansion.
“How will you get away with it?” I inquire, as Gene sets alight a small patch of dry leaves topped with a MAGA hat, which he stole from ‘some chud’ at LAX when we arrived a few days ago.
“Climate change.” They both laugh.
White dudes with matches
Their loose alliance of like-minded eco-warriors, Matchbox 2030 may number in the hundreds with the exact number difficult to pin down due to its decentralized structure. What I did find out is that the group is an offshoot of the Venceremos Brigade, an organization that was founded in the 1970s by pro-Cuba leftists to spread communism into the United States. While LA Mayor Karen Bass was a leader in the Venceremos Brigade there is no evidence that she has any affiliation with Matchbox 2030.
For the record, four other groups or ‘sticks’ of Matchbox 2030 followers are strategically positioned around the greater Los Angeles area doing the same thing we are this evening. In a few hours, our blaze will be the biggest and most destructive in decades, causing celebrities like Jimmy Kimmel to cry on television, and 80s actors like Sir Steve Guttenberg to rise from the ashes to play hero once again.
As an investigative reporter, it’s my ‘beat’ to embed myself for months, sometimes years, at a time. Previously I joined a Gaza university encampment, posed as an international student at a donut shop in Canada, and even offered to get gender-affirming surgery, but nothing could prepare me for the destructive, sickness of a Liberal Arsonist.
Game, set, match
I first hooked up with Gene, a lanky, white, college-educated thirty-something, on a Liberal Reddit sub. At first, it was innocent and fun. He shared sexual memes of Trump and Putin, and made jokes about right-wing politicians and business owners like Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg. In 2023, Gene said he was heading up to Quebec, Canada and asked if I wanted to meet him, his wife and her boyfriend for a raw vegan dinner. I figured Quebec and dinner was code for “ménage a throuple,” but I quickly learned that the two newlyweds, plus one, weren’t going to Quebec for the delicious maple syrup, but instead to set the trees that produce the sweet liquid on fire.
My friendship with Gene blossomed. Although I have always supported independent parties and believe both Dems and Republicans are all deep state puppets, Gene on the other hand fully supported liberal ideology. He, like his group of Matchbox 2030 followers, felt amplifying the climate change agenda would be the only way to maintain woke mind virus governments and implement a communist agenda in North America.
During one of our long online chat sessions, he openly fantasized about 15-minute cities and eating bugs. Gene said the World Economic Forum meeting in Davos was like Coachella for liberals.
Protesting art galleries, blocking highways, and propaganda op-eds in the Amazon-owned WaPo were part and parcel of their agenda. But forest fires were relatively new and seemed to cause the biggest flame!
Burning down the house
I don’t know if Gene expected the Palisades to get so out of control. I don’t know if any of them expected that the LAFD would be as incompetent as they were with a lack of water, unskilled staff, and a fire chief who cared more about who petted her kitty than saving one from a tree. But as we scaled down a slip past James Woods’ mansion, I mentioned that this fire already looked out of control.
“No sweat,” Samantha exclaimed as she tipped her red beret in a vague military salute. “We do this all the time. It will be out later in the day and the media will blame it on a super hot summer.”
The proud self-identifying BIPOC asexual environmental science student wasn’t wrong. The mainstream media had been playing into the climate agenda like an out-of-tune community choir. CNN and their fellow MSM conspirators have been making false claims about forest fires like that they’re caused by lightning strikes or a lack of rainfall, blazing hot temperatures for years. The truth, as everyone knows, is that the temperature isn’t going up, sea levels aren’t rising, and the only ‘agenda’ is to make money and keep the clandestine climate cabal in power.
Trust the non-science science
With ash-covered faces, we drove north where we met other members of Matchbox 2030. Our compatriot ‘sticks’ had been responsible for the Hurst fire, the Eaton Fire in Pasadena, and the auto fire in Venture County.
“What are we going to do?” I nervously asked Gene. Even as an undercover reporter, I could still go to jail for what I’d been an unwilling accomplice to.
“Trust the science,” Samantha said as we sat in front of a 100-inch TV in an oceanfront safe house her parents had subsidized.
As the TV blared climate change propaganda I asked Samantha what would happen to all the displaced families now that their homes were gone. “Well, it’s not like they can rebuild, dummy,” she laughed. Taking in my shocked face she explained further: “Now that all these gross oceanfront homeowners have been burnt out there’s no way they can afford the time or money it will take to rebuild. Bass will bring in impossible-to-navigate new building codes and along with Newsom they’ll have eco-friendly, walkable Smart Cities.”
A fiery agenda
I was stressed. This was no longer about a group of misinformed white dudes with matches this was a national conspiracy. I read the chyron graphics on the local weather channel: “LA WILDFIRES TRIGGERED BY CLIMATE CHANGE.”
All the sticks in our group (or ‘box’ as they call each unit) started to cheer. Gene made a fiery speech about how this will destroy Trump and his followers.
I stood outside and watched as the fire starters buried gas tanks, matches, and rags, the evidence of their malfeasance in the backyard of the safe house. They talked excitedly about hitting Europe next, especially Germany if the so-called right-wing party wins the upcoming election.
I’d had enough. I thought about telling Gene that he was not only putting millions of lives at risk but also playing into a liberal agenda that didn’t care about his needs. “You’re just a pawn,” I started to say when I heard the sirens closing in. I was in too deep now, there was no escape from my involvement. My heart skipped a beat as a 60-year-old fire engine roared past us in the wrong direction from the fires we’d started. We hadn’t been caught, but maybe that had been the plan all along.
Gene announced that it was time to make a move. We all grabbed our things, hopped into a blue VW bus, and headed north.
