DINKs may be all the rage on the trendsetting Chinese propaganda app TIK TOK, but have you heard about LINKs: Leftist Ideology, No Kids?
LINKs are far more sinister and dangerous to the American way of life than the fun-loving Gen Z DINKs who opted to bypass the traditional family for vacations, condos, and sports cars.
In fact, GWU’s resident Wokespert Glenda Manors cites a recent US Census department revelation that showed predominantly left leaning states like Vermont and California are recording a higher number of LINKs. “There is never one reason for the detonation of the nuclear family,” she explains. “But the trend seems to stem more from a skewed ideology than economic reasons.”
Glenda goes on to say that LINKs have an agenda and could, ultimately, be a serious danger to our society. “Perhaps, we’d be better off with a missing LINK,” she jokes. Below are her 6 ways to spot, and learn to avoid, a LINK.
Is that a Keffiyeh in Your Pocket?
Whether it’s sporting a Ukrainian flag on their backpack, an N95 Mask on their cakehole, or even a keffiyeh as they blast ‘From the River to the Sea’ over a megaphone, LINKs are always on top of the current thing. “Do not approach a LINK, however, unless you’re prepared to be called a racist, colonizing, MAGA supporter,” Manors adds. “Wait, are those still insults?”
High Emissions of Hot Air
In theory you should never see a LINK at an airport, as they’re worried about their carbon footprint squashing a butterfly in Japan; however, you will likely find them on a highway laying in front of traffic to fight carbon emissions, making you late for work. LINKs sincerely believe that the planet is on fire and the oceans are boiling. There is no way to convince them otherwise after years of state-sponsored environmental indoctrination and attending one too many out-of-state Taylor Swift concerts.
They’ve also opted to be childless, as the planet has no future and children take up resources. “To hell with Bitcoin,” demurs Manors. “If I invested in a vasectomy clinic five years ago, I’d be a rich woman today.”
Eat Ze Bugs
Forget about a steak dinner when going for a BBQ at a LINKs place, says Manors. “LINKs have bowed down to the meat is killing our planet fade and we need an alternate source of protein.” Our resident Wokespert adds that you may be eating crickets and other gooey culinary masterpieces, but a LINK will have no issue with telling you it tastes just like a peanut butter and jam sandwich. “Where are they buying their PB and Js?”
With no concern for either the individual health dangers of consuming mass produced freeze-dried bugs from China or the livelihood of American livestock producers, LINKs are more cattle than caterpillar.
Meet Me On Mastodon
After a mass exodus from so-called “right-wing” websites like X and Gab, LINKs have dug their own echo chamber on social media platforms such as Mastodon and with ‘comedies’ like the “Daily Show.” Although a typical LINK will cite Freedom of Speech as integral to democracy, “they tend to prefer having viewpoints that oppose their own censored and erased from the annals of his-, I mean, herstory.”
Read Nothing and Be Happy
Back in the 80s, DINKs and Yuppies had no problem flaunting their Miami Vice-style condos. But with housing prices skyrocketing, LINKs have taken to the New World Order philosophy of owning nothing and being happy.
You won’t find a gas stove in a LINKs pad, but you will find a library full of Karl Marx and Chairman Mao. If a LINK offers to send you home with a few copies, be polite and respond “Thanks, these fictional novels make great kindling for a fire.”
Minority Over Merit
Equity is important to a LINK, especially when it comes to careers. “They don’t adhere to the antiquated hiring standards,” adds Manors. “You know, like getting a job based on … merit. These days, LINKs demand that all hiring be based on the color of one’s skin rather than the content of their character.” CHECKS RESUME: I see you are a Muslim, trans Black woman, born on an Indian reservation… HIRED!
Although Manors doesn’t see this trend reversing anytime soon, she does believe that the old adage Get Woke, Go Broke will be the new theme song for America right before its societal collapse at the hands of those total dinks, LINKs.
I love this website. I spent last night fighting city hall to prevent lgmby+- pride month. The world needs a pied piper to lead these lemmings off a cliff. Power to my people and none for these rectums!