Tone, who teaches at the San Francisco Institute for Higher Learning and Exotic Pet Grooming, tells America’s Number 1 Source of Newstainment, GWU! that many young liberals like herself are at the mercy of the new president who is now living rent-free in their heads.
“With liberals losing their sh#t over the incoming administration, we progressives are losing a healthy perspective on things,” she worries. Tone says that while the state of the nation may look grim, social democrats should realize that not all is lost and life will go on despite the fact that “an evil orange fascist is hunched over the very levers of power.”
Tone, a self-described “49-year-old Millennial,” is eager to ‘redistribute’ her helpful tips to how other freedom fighters in the so-called resistance can keep up the battle for democracy without letting a confirmed case of TDS occupy every part of their brain.
Don’t Say Do Over
“It’s not like Trump can just undo the entire Biden Presidency with one day of executive orders,” laughs Tone. She says that executive orders come and go and if Trump does sign some ‘random laws’ into effect that violate the principles of democracy, it’s fine, because “in four years it will probably be our turn again.”
Have Faith in Our Democracy
“There are many dedicated Democrats who will do everything in their power to stop this Hitlerian madman,” assures Tone. She reminds liberal GWU! readers (do we have those—ed) that just because Democrats lack the votes to actually stop the Republican lead Senate, Congress, Supreme Court and Presidency shouldn’t be held against them.
“At the end of the day they will get the results they deserve, participation ribbons. And as a Millennial, I think I know a thing or two about those!”
Socialize Media
Prof Tone lectures that lefties need to stop with the Doom Scrolling and realize that the Internet “isn’t real life.”
“So your three-hour-long video essay on how Trump is like Mussolini isn’t trending on X, like, what did you expect to happen?” The TikTok-loving teacher advises people to stay off “the inter-webs” if they can and if not then make an account on the Chinese social media app Red Note.
“Sure, Rednote is based in China. Sure, it’s probably full of spyware, but at least you know that the people on there are all good, law-abiding communists who have freedom of speech, unlike those of us with shadow-banned X accounts.”
Media Mea culpa
Observing that the entire US media is now “captured by the right,” Tone tells GWU! that once responsible news gathering operations such as CNN, The New York Times and MSNBC have gone “full Trump” with disturbingly positive coverage of “the convicted felon and Liar-In-Chief.”
She suggests the best way to detox your mind from the “alt-right mind virus” is to simply put down your phone, turn off your TV and instead turn to trusted sources of information such as the CDC, the Department of Homeland Security, and Barack Obama.
“Use the next four years to escape the soul-crushing truth that we live in a dictatorship where women no longer have the right to choose, trans kids are being literally murdered, migrants are being forced out of their rightful homes and climate change is now being normalized, by catching up on reruns of Friends on Netflix.” Tone nods happily that everything will turn out fine, just like things did for Chandler.
It’s All Just Political Theatre
As Tone shuffles her notes for her next class she muses if politics even matter. “Like, what can Trump actually do? It’s not like he can unilaterally reverse all the great strides the left has made in terms of gender equality for transfolx, DEI for less qualified racialized job candidates, safe and effective vaccines or shift the culture back to traditional American values. It’s not like he can just stop printing money, funding foreign wars, and change trade policies to fix the economy.”
The Tone deaf teacher says her final lesson to anyone stuck with Donald Trump living in their head is to find a safe space away from the politics of hopelessness, which she admits will be hard for her as she can’t afford a home.
