Actor Matthew Perry was not friends with Justin Trudeau, an insider gossips to GWU!
Despite the Canadian PMs claiming that they were BFFs, it’s a well-known fact that Perry, who died suddenly at age 54, actually hated the fellow Ottawanian.
“The feud started at an early age,” explains our schoolyard snitch, who attended elementary school with both men. “Perry actually beat up Justin numerous times. Even from a young age, Justin had a massive ego and Perry brought him down to earth.”
“Whether it was pummeling Justin in the school cafeteria, giving him a wedgie out in the school yard, or even stealing his dates during an end of the year dance, it was a pretty common scene to see Justin crying like a little bitch, while Perry made his famous smirk,” he clapped back at Justin’s “friends claim” on X (formerly Twitter).
A PG-13 version of a similar story was often recited by Perry on the late-night talk show circuit.
While our GWU! friend can’t remember the last time Perry pounded on the PM, he says that Perry’s hatred was reignited when the Trudeau government brought in a vaccine travel mandate for all travelers to Canada.
Perry, who was secretly ‘vaccine hesitant’ despite his scripted endorsement of the clotshot and clothing line of vax-wear, was unable to visit family and friends he had in his homeland and reluctantly took the shot as a last resort.
And now many fans of Friends, which has seen a recent surge in popularity on the streaming platform Netflix, believe that shot was what led to Perry’s untimely death in his so-called stand-alone hot tub.
“His health has been going downhill ever since he took the shot. Was this revenge by Justin for years of being put in his place? I wouldn’t be surprised,” gabs our candid Canadian.
“Sure, all the recreational drugs and booze didn’t help, but I believe the jab was what finally Binged him.”
CLOWN WORLD FAST FOOD FIGHT
McDonald’s is out of the frying pan and into the line of fire with many customers boycotting the fast food chain after an Israeli franchise announced they were giving away free food to soldiers in support of war efforts against Hamas (I thought they wanted to win a war, not surrender to diabetes—ed)
The move set off an explosion in the number of Muslim nation McDonald’s locations picking sides in what is becoming a global hamburgergeddon. McDonalds in Pakistan, Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, Oman and UAE are just some of the not so happy mealers who have taken the side of the Palestinian people in the invasion of Gaza. In retaliation, they have started donating medical aid and supplies to humanitarian relief organizations in the region.
In a statement to GWU!, a Saudi Arabian McDonalds served up this plausible fryability: “In regard to the news that McDonald’s in Israel was donating meals. We affirm that it was an individual decision on their part …. Neither global McDonald’s nor us nor any other country had a role or relationship with that decision, neither directly nor indirectly.”
Independent fast food analysts have been quick to point out that Israel’s McDonald’s must have seen this coming. They argue that Israel’s McDonalds feeding its own troops unhealthy garbage food is really just an inside job—as was the supposed terrorist invasion of Israel. Hold the Hamas!
OPRAH SELLS OUT
Just in time for the holiday shopping season (uhm, can you at least wait till mid-November, Clammy?—ed), the 2023 list of Oprah’s Favorite Things is here. The former daytime television host and current Hawaii fire sale real estate buyer has shared her hand-picked list for gifting loved ones and treating yourself during the holidays. Are Oprah’s following items on your holiday wish list? If they are, you might want to Check da Facts!
Meta Quest Headset $499
Want to live in a perfect reality where you’re living your best life and everyone loves you? Sorry, you can’t because unlike Oprah, you’re poor. But you can live in a fake digital reality with these over-priced plastic goggles made by child slaves in China.
Shinery Radiance Wash Luxury Jewelry Cleaner and Brush Duo $44.40
Did you know that Oprah believes in magic crystals? Yeah, she does. I know what you’re thinking: magic sounds like a scam. It is. But not as much of a scam as a thing that cleans magic crystals.
CRUXGG Digital Toaster Oven with Air Frying $119.99
This out-of-the-world toaster with patented ‘heat distribution blue coating,’ will take only seconds to turn your peaceful, quaint toaster strudel into a crispy morning treat. With state-of-the-art technology developed in Israel and tested in Hawaii, USA, you’ll find your food and your politics really heating up. The only design flaw is that it will not heat up vegetables, as Oprah and her viewers don’t eat them anyway.
Brouk & Co The Capri Everyday Stripe Tote $64.00
This stylish and light travel bag tote is perfect for carrying loads of cash you’ve fleeced out of naive fans over the past 50 plus years. Oh, wait, you’re not Oprah? You can buy the bags then, but she’ll keep the cash.
