Reality Check Please
Bite your tongue and admit that when people vote for a right of center party they are not NAZIs. They just want a government that spends less time worrying about pronouns, ‘systemic racism’ and climate change and more time worrying about things that are real.
Get Woke Up!
Begin the difficult process of decolonizing your bedroom. This includes, but is not limited to, Communist flags and icons, corporate pride merch and ‘Amazonian’ trinkets you ordered from Amazon.com that you know nothing about.
Body Break
Clean up your diet. Body shaming is coming for you fatso! You can do this by: eating real meat and veggies rather than soy slop and estrogen; starting a proper physical fitness regime that is more intense than the walk from your couch to the front door to pick up your Uber Eats order; drink as much tap water as you can Trump will be following through on his election promise of pumping testosterone directly into the water supply (They’re turning the frogs great again!—ed).
The Clothes don’t make the They/Them
Stop thinking your appearance is your personality. Your entire closet of ladies swimsuits with penis pockets and keffiyehs is nothing more than a gentrified pile of rags not fit for the fantasy molotovs you never had the guts to lob at the fashies. Start wearing normal sized clothes and realize that the nipple ain’t free.
Cut the cord on Anti-Social Tel-Lie-Vision
You need to stop consuming alarmist content found on ‘the news’ and on left wing state funded social media propaganda. Everything that you need to know will now be downloaded directly to your brain via your government issued X account/neuralink connection in shouty Jordan Peterson voice overs.
Get a Groyper on reality
Realize that everything you ever believed was wrong. Yes, all your socialist indoctrination and pointless higher education has back fired and now won’t even help you maintain your job as a barista at Starbucks. Remember, it’s never too late to learn a trade.
Stop podcasting yourself, you’ll go blind!
Delete all your preachy social media posts and ‘podcast’ appearances on your friends Twitch stream. No one cares what you think, so stop insulting the truth as now revealed by your new lord and savior Grand Emperor Donald J. Trump.
