Johnny Depp is hoping to cash in big time as legal experts are predicting a massive win for the Hollywood heartthrob in his defamation case with ex-wife Amber Heard.
“Johnny may be madder than a hatter, but you know what they say: behind every crazy man is an even crazier little blonde girl,” says retired film director and contributing Woke Up! writer Clammy J. Byner.
That’s right, legal eagles, Johnny Handsome, formerly known as Officer Hanson from 21 Jump Street, could be turning his washed-up career into a titanic-sized comeback and a paycheque, to boot!
Depp, a bad boy of Hollywood since his debut as Glen Lantz in Nightmare on Elm Street, was unceremoniously dropped from the Pirates of The Caribbean franchise after a British tabloid circulated a story that stated Pretty Boy Johnny spent his days and nights coked up and beating women. The publicly soft-spoken Don Juan denied the allegations, but ultimately lost his libel lawsuit against the publication.
Now, #JusticeForJohnny is back in court suing his ex-wife actress for $50 million over a similar claim she made in the Jeff Bezos controlled Washington Post. Heard is counter suing her hunky ex for $100 million, but our insiders agree that there’s not a chance in Hell that old Eddie Scissorhands will take a haircut on this family drama.
The post-COVID-19 pandemic trial has everything: slander, sex, fights, drugs, rock and roll, dirty carpets, bees, feces, and, of course, the easy on the eyes plaintiff and defendant. While insiders and legal experts predicted earlier that both their careers would sink faster than a fat guy in a canoe, most now believe that Johnny may be getting a chance to revive his role as Captain Jack Sparrow.
“Captain Jack Sparrow was a character I built from the ground up and was something that I, of course, put a lot of [myself] into the character and also having worked on these films with these people and added much of myself, much of my own re-writing of the dialogue and scenes and jokes,” said the former lover of 80s screen queen Winona Ryder.
YO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM
The 58-year-old film seadog Depp has testified under oath that he would not take another ‘Pirates’ franchise role, even for “$300 million and a million alpacas.”
“I didn’t quite understand how, after that long relationship and quite a successful relationship certainly for Disney, that suddenly I was guilty until proven innocent,” added the former boy toy to model Kate Moss.
The actor was also recently replaced in the Harry Potter universe film franchise Fantastic Beasts where he had played the titular role of evil magician Grindelwald.
That said, studios are now taking a hard second look at Depp based on the number of fans that he’s accumulated during the “airing our dirty laundry” trial.
THAR SHE BLOWS
On the flip side, little fish Amber Heard is seeing a net cast over her professionally since her recent legal entanglements. Heard claims to have been thrown overboard from her ‘starring role’ as Mera the mermaid princess in Aquaman 2. ‘’Expert’ witnesses on the stand have claimed that the negative press around her stormy relationship with Depp led to a reduced role in the DC/Warner Bros. film.
Industry insiders, however, claim that Heard was never supposed to be in the film due to a lack of on screen chemistry with star Jason Momoa. Unsurprisingly, Heard’s attempts to re-negotiate a raise for her work in the film were marooned from the start. With her reduced booty the on-and-off screen wench may not even be able to cover her husband’s $50 million dollar libel lawsuit if she’s found guilty.
Heard’s bizarre behavior including wild tantrums, copious drug use, and literally “dropping the kids off” on the marital bed has done the 36-year-old actress no favours. She’s become a regular meme on the Chinese social media channel TikTok, as well as the sad, depressing incel site Reddit.
With Amber Heard’s case falling apart on the stand and public sentiment shifting, Depp could end up playing the hero of this sorted tale.
SET SAIL FOR REDEMPTION ISLAND
Despite Depp’s promise to never return even for sacks of gold and funny horse/sheep animals, the actor clearly loves the role as much as Disney loved making money off of it. Depp is well known to appear (unpaid) as Captain Jack Sparrow at children’s hospitals and other worthy charities just to bring smiles to the faces of small ill children.
Insiders are saying that Depp could simply be posturing for a higher salary in his eventual return to the role. And he’ll need it, as court documents show that Depp can’t stop throwing around money – whether it’s on boats, homes or smokeshow attorneys, like Camille Vasquez.
ABANDON SHIP!
Disney has made more than 600 million dollars off the film franchise and is desperate to continue to raid the lucrative treasure chest that Depp has built them. As Disney turns away from ‘Woke’ film failures such as Star Wars and public backlash for pushing its extreme views on LGBTQ++$&;-) politics critics say the out of touch corporation needs to make up for its losses. Could Disney finally make ‘Woke’ walk the plank?
DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES
Pirates producer Jerry Bruckheimer may have been fishing in a recent comment regarding Depp’s inclusion in an upcoming 6th installment of the ‘Pirates’ film franchise, saying: “The future is yet to be decided. We’re talking to Margot Robbie. We are developing two ‘Pirates’ scripts — one with her, one without.”
Could the ‘without’ script feature an ‘uncancelled’ Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow? As the most popular character in “Pirates of the Caribbean” many fans are saying any future movies without him are sure to sink.
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