A whistleblower is exposing a series of insane chats that the Democrats are texting, revealing possible tariffs that the party would actually vote for.
The confidential informant digitally dumped the mental messages to America’s Number One Source of Newstainment, GWU! confirming that these elected officials are totally bonkers and in need of serious help.
A clandestine Signal chat of top Democrat politicians she decrypted proves a dem revolution to counter President Donald Trump’s mad tariff schemes with totally bonkers ones is coming. Our informant, who goes by the internet handle, “OlivaOest!” confirms that the tariffs being bandied about on the chat are as real as they are insane.
7. “Elon’s Ego” Surcharge
“The Dems are seriously looking at a 369% tariff on all Tesla Cybertrucks sold to tech billionaires who think posting memes counts as labor,” says our hacker hero, who was mistakenly invited to the group chat. She goes on to reveal that the revenue raised through this ludicrous tax will fund free public transit, “driven by real, not robo people, just to spite Elon Musk”.
6. Private Jet Carbon Offset Penalty
The tech expert who once beat Ed Snowdon at Words with Friends says that one user on the secret group chat who was calling for a “$10,000 per flight tax on Gulfstreams flying under 2 hours” was instantly shot down by fellow Dems. “This sounds more like the: ‘I’m too important for Amtrak tax,” laughs our deep-throat darling. “I guess that’s why it didn’t fly with these jet-setting airheads!”
5. Corporate Greed Inflation Recovery Charge
“The more socialist leaning Dems on the clandestine chat group lobbied for an automatic price gouging tariff on CEOs who blame inflation for record profits while raising the cost of literally everything,” she says. “Of course, it was instantly deleted because, as per usual in American politics, Big Pharma and Big Oil were on the call.”
4. “Fox News Fear Mongering” Licensing Fee
These nutty Democrats posted a potential 10 cent per ‘scare headline’ tariff to be levied on just Fox News, reports our digital repeater. “Oh yeah, super scary!” she mocks and shares one insanely imagined ‘Fox News Headline’ the chat group was particularly concerned with: “KAMALA’S AMERICA: WHERE YOUR TOASTER WILL TRANS YOUR KIDS!” (Hannity’s still got it—ed)
She goes on to reveal the plan would be for the funds raised to go into subsidising rural NPR radio stations in red states so the propaganda can be evened out.
3. Reproductive Rights Import Surcharge
“The death-obsessed Dems are totally Black pilled on birthing a 30% tariff on medical supplies from states with abortion restrictions,” condemns our chat-watching Christian mom of four.
“It’s clearly political messaging disguised as ‘healthcare policy’ and would ironically limit access to abortions in red states. Maybe this one’s not so bad!”
2. A Terrible Tragedy Tax
Our chatty Kathy (not her real name—ed) says some of the more moderate Democrats on the chat discussed at least one tariff that both sides of the aisle could get votes on. “A $20 per ‘thoughts and prayers’ tweet fee on politicians after mass shootings got a lot of positive feedback, but only when it was suggested that the NRA match all funds raised, to be directly deposited into senators’ bank accounts.”
1. Old White Guy Tariff
“At least one of the junior senators from New York with initials for a name actually suggested tariffing every single old white man in America in the name of diversity inclusion and equity,” says our shocked informer. “The old white senators on the chat were confused by the suggestion and said not to worry as they would all soon DIE, just as the acronym suggested.”
