Letter to the Editor
Dear Karen and Kevin,
I recently heard about a viral video posted on hate platform X by alt-right twitter troll Ian Miles Cheong that is making me uncomfortable. Although I didn’t actually watch the video, which first appeared on TikTok, I understand that it features a racist customer abusing a defenseless immigrant pizza delivery man who is just doing his job. Can you please guide me through how I can best justify my moral indignation to my husband, who ignorantly insists that the customer is always right?
Justifying Jane in the Junction
Salutations Jane!
Thanks for your letter. My life partner Karen and I had the unfortunate experience of watching this video when it debuted on the Chinese run app and we will never look at pizza the same way or Ian Miles Cheong—who I blocked five minutes ago!
Just as everyone loves the diversity of Pineapple pizza, I’ll try my best to pick away at this problem to make it digestible for you!
Since the election of Comrade Chow as mayor of Toronto, the city has transitioned to one of the safest, cleanest and diversest places in the world. According to ‘the 6’ friends I have on Mastodon, the city has also seen a recent influx of hard-working, temporary foreign workers thanks to the kind and generous Liberal government handouts to corporations in need of subsidized labor. Although hard hit by the economy that crashed due to the pandemic and Putin, the people of Toronto are resilient and will get through it thanks to all the free, generous social programs they have for non-citizens.
That’s why it’s troubling to see this industrious “Pizzaman” being harassed by an ignorant white settler who demands his change back while looking for viral clicks. The only change that this Chad needs to get is in his racist views!
WHITE SAUCE IS THE WORST
This entitled oppressor shouldn’t be demanding that this representative of the pizzeria be responsible for doing part of his job. That’s just silly. Just because his job title is Pizza Delivery Driver doesn’t mean he’s in any way responsible for the pizza delivery. Pizzaman is probably undocumented and working three driving jobs out of his cousin’s uninsured car. How can he be expected to worry about something like ‘change’ when he’s always looking over his shoulder, worried that the pigs will pull him over for not having a license to drive or indeed, live in this country
It’s never right to correct someone for being wrong. No, never. If Pizzaman says you have to round up your bill because he doesn’t have change …. or needs that money for a tip he didn’t earn, you need to believe him. We can’t just assume to understand the cultural norms of visiting citizens from developing nations, rather, we must accept their ways and be the change we can be …. for the dream of all the delicious leftover pizza of tomorrow.
— Kevin
As the old saying goes: if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the pizza oven. This Chud, who I’ll categorize as: “Customer Ugly No Tact” is obviously being hailed as a hero by the right-wing MAGA extremists like Ian Miles Cheong. This cheap stunt TikTok CUNT is more proof of just how far from a diverse, inclusive, and equitable society we are.
First off, if there is one thing the COVID pandemic has taught us, it is that if we are not all in it together then people DIE. It also taught us that the future of currency is digital. Paper money carries deadly germs and viruses and is basically as tacky and valueless as cryptocurrency.
The fact that CUNT is using cash says all we need to know about him (assuming his gender here, no apologies). He obviously supports Trump and likely spreads Russian propaganda on 4Chan that Canada’s identity is changing too fast through immigration. How dare he abuse this Pizza Pizza corporate tax payer subsidized Temporary Foreign Worker!!! (an alt-right Bigfood co. that is refusing to take any donated tips for this #Brownhero)
He’s also spending his welfare check on processed foods, which further confirms his stupidity!!!
Of course I sympathize with all the hard-working immigrants who come to this country and survive on corporate tax breaks. I’d happily pay more taxes if I knew it was going to a worthy cause, like supporting someone who is going to leave Canada in a year to pay off a dowry. My life partner Kevin, for example, hasn’t worked in three years due to these policies. Just because we can no longer afford groceries, mortgage payments, the or diploma mill tuition for my new boyfriend Gurdeep’s Anti-Virus Pop-up Marketing and Design Degree at Excellent Technical College in Brampton—it shouldn’t matter, as long as someone else is getting a shot at all our cheesy freedoms.
Oh, and Pineapple Pizza is totally normal and delicious, Kevin.
— Karen
