The 95th Academy Awards came and went without any fist-a-cuffs, but that didn’t stop Hollywood’s staged affair and Climate Change platform from proving that they can still sucker many people into wasting three plus hours of their life in front of the TV. Here are the hits, but mostly the flops of the 2023 Oscars!
Hugh Grant Snubs
Notting Hill bad boy Hugh Grant wasn’t playing along with the typical ‘who are you wearing’ b/s that red carpet host and plus-sized lingerie model Ashley Graham was improving. Although Grant was lambasted on social media, we can assure you that the dry wit of the former lover of Divine Brown was doing anything but sucking off Oscar.
Jimmy Kimmel Flubs Jan 6 “Joke”
There could’ve been worse hosts—we’re looking at you Steven Colbert—but liberal Hollywood loves their cozy jokes about Republicans, including Jimmy Kimmel’s shot at the January 6 “insurrection.” The joke had something to do with film editing, but came across as a Don Lemon rant about democracy. We can only hope this is Jimmy’s last hosting gig and next year will be replaced with CHATGPT in a more convincing toupee.
Little Mermaid Disney Promo
Whoever said that the Oscars are just a giant movie ad was right (wait, that was GWU!-ed). Disney somehow snuck in a promo for their new BIPOC remake of the Little Mermaid. Fishy. With only one Black person receiving an award and Queen Angela Basset getting knifed by Scream Queen Jamie Lee Curtis, the ‘so white’ Oscars had to do something to stop a race riot on Hollywood Boulevard. The Academy seemed to ease the trigger happy crowd by awarding the ‘Best Adapted Screenplay’ award to Road of Avonlea star Sarah Polley, who immediately made a poorly written and badly acted ‘impromptu quip’ about feminism. We thought there was supposed to be a five second delay.
Every Best Original Song was Awful
It’s truly a sad day when Lenny Kravitz playing the In Memoriam tune is a by far better performance than every ‘original’ film song. The list is so sad and forgettable that we don’t even know where to begin: David Byrne who’s best days were in 1983 seemed completely lost, Lady Gaga seemed desperate and Rhianna seemed more concerned with her Irish Twins, and we’re not talking about Colin Farrell.
No Climate Change in Ukraine!
One high was that there was no holier than thou speeches about melting ice caps and chopping down rainforests. Whether this was due to time constraints or Leo DiCaprio not getting an Academy nod, only Oscar knows. But luckily for viewers we didn’t have to sit through a lecture by any former community playhouse grads telling us about how we’re all going to die in 10 years. Aside from ‘the best’, but not really the best, documentary going to Putin’s public enemy number one, there was very little said about Ukraine. GWU! note: missing the show this year was James Cameron, Tom Cruise and Zelensky.
Jimmy Kimmel All Night Long
Most can agree that Jimmy Kimmel flubbed the entire night. Whether it was a nonsensical gag with a donkey—who’s the ass—or asking Malala Yousafzai about which way Harry Styles swings, or the cocaine bear, or even the parachute it was one bomb after the other. Oscar put a lot of money and time into stunts that a natural comic could easily pull off, but the former FM DJ did not have the chops to even get a giggle, unless it was an uncomfortable one. Oh, did we mention his Jan 6th joke!!!
