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- Dispatch sufficient land infantry able to secure major cities Ottawa, Toronto, Montreal, and Vancouver. 6 soldiers with one tank should be sufficient to send Canada’s trans army prancing away in retreat.
- Knock out Canada’s two communication satellites carrying the nation’s only three cell phone providers and two terrestrial television broadcasters to enable a total nationwide communications black out. (looks like the CBC is finally getting canceled—ed)
- Disable outdated Canadian Armed Forces planes and ships by attaching a Windows 8 virus in an email to their gullible top general marked: ‘FREE CRYPTO MONEY FOR UNDERFUNDED MILITARIES!’
- Using superior US satellite capabilities launch a coordinated social media propaganda campaign over X, featuring ‘Canadian’ celebrities who escaped to the US in persuasive videos extolling the virtues of surrendering. Example: Ryan Reynolds and Keanu Reeves eat pancakes with Canadian maple syrup together as Drake stands on the table rapping about securing Canada’s borders from Tim Hortons workers.
- Drain Canadian sections of Lakes Superior, Ontario, Huron, Erie and Michigan. Water reserves to be stored in Georgia’s Coca-Cola bottling plant for later domestic, and delicious usage.
- Secure and hold access to oil reserves in Western Canada by use of ‘polite signs’ which citizens are known to obey without question.
- Roundup socialist Canadian political leaders including Justin Trudeau, Pierre WhatsHisFace and the turban guy to be detained in a secret middle eastern Blacksite detention center. When the citizens rejoice in celebration, install a US puppet government led by one of their ice hockey stars. Note: Check how Wayne Gretzky’s interview with the boss went.
- Ban use of French language to demoralize and humiliate minority French speaking population. Also, take French off of cereal boxes. Like, why is that there? Seriously.
- Replace the already devalued Canadian dollar with a combination of US greenbacks and Canadian Tire money.
- Have unelected Canadian Senate declare Donald Trump the new King of Canada. Put his image on aforementioned Canadian Tire currency shaking hands with that Scottish guy (Sandy McTire—ed).
- Unilaterally declare that Canada is now the 51st US State while simultaneously silencing citizens free speech, raising taxes and taking their guns away. They seem to respond without resistance to stuff like that.
