A group of students, activists and table-top gaming enthusiasts in France are calling for a ban on chess citing its cultural appropriation by ‘colonizers.’
The group, calling themselves En passant is based out of Paris and say that the game is cultural appropriation borne out of years of systemic racism towards Black, Brown and Asian people.
“Chess was invented in India more than 1,500 years ago. It has a proud Indo-Asian heritage, but the version being played today is nothing but cultural rape on a global scale,” says En passant leader Michelle Rouile in broken English.
WORD SCRABBLE
“The game was stolen from Asia in the 1800s by colonialists who then perverted and twisted the game into the white-washed version that is played today.”
Among the changes that has Rouile and her group troubled include the fact that the game pieces are divided into two colours, White and Black.
“Did you ever notice that white goes first? This is an extension of classic White privilege that holds to slave mentality and re-enforces outdated racial power dynamics.”
RISKY BUSINESS
Although chess did indeed start in India, later spreading to Persia, and then the muslim world before monopolizing Europe, the group claims this is only true if you read text books written by systemically racist and privileged cis-white male historians.
The group meets every Sunday at Jardin du Luxembourg, a picturesque Paris park where they make Guerilla-style protest attacks on unsuspecting chess players, knocking over their boards and ‘liberating’ black queen pieces.
“We have freed 29 black queens so far,” brags Rouile.
“In their place we leave corrective information so that people will alert themselves to this issue.”
En passant French-language protest literature left with bewildered players itemizes the various ways that chess is ‘culturally oppressive and inequitable.’ A rough translation of the text appears below.
SORRY! NOT SORRY
- Game characters are divided into social class constructs, such as pawn, rooks and queens. What an outrage!
- Religion (which we all know corrupts) is seated at the sides of the King and Queen in the form of the Bishop, where they advise and influence, increasing the power of the church (also, corrupt)!
- A King and Queen – where is the democracy in that? Did the other characters get any say? What of the pawns – the disposable working class, enslaved with no choice but to throw their lives down in support of the system.
- The game is totally based on the king staying alive at all costs, why is his life worth more than the pawns or the misguided warrior of the game – the Knight.
- Timing players moves is stressful and time is racist tool of white oppressors.
- As the Black King, George Floyd once said ‘Chess chokes me up, I can’t breathe.’
- At the end of the game all the characters go into a box and are made silent, until needed again. Convenient!
- The fact that in 2023 a Black queen can be killed by a white knight is disgusting.
TRIVIAL PURSUIT
While the game has its detractors in En passant and its American chapter association, ‘ChessDemocrats’ it has had a global resurgence in recent years in part thanks to unlikely chess ambassador and notorious internet bad boy Andrew Tate.
Tate, the son of International Chessmaster, Emory Tate is the group’s sworn enemy, although the Matrix denouncing Influncer says “They’re a bunch of geeks!” And that the organization, “ Understands none of the realities of this world.”
The former kickboxing champion who recently clashed on live TV with loud mouth host Piers Morgan compared the state of the woke crybaby world to chess.
As Piers fought to fend off Tate’s winning game play, Tate reflected that like life, chess is “All about strategy.” He added being good at chess means “you can be good at pretty much anything.”
“There is no luck,” he said, arguing that losing somewhere in the game is always because of a wrong move or a mistake. As Tate moved in for mate he proffered that even if it’s a slight mistake, “It was your fault. Chess teaches absolute self-accountability.”
Tate’s alpha-male chess insights appear to Boggle En passant president Rouile.
“So Andrew Tate can play a game that is already tilted in his favour as a white male. What a surprise. What we need to do is make chess a game for all to enjoy, with equity.”
TRUTH MONOPOLY
Rouiles solution for the problem of chess? He and his group want the game to be renamed checkers with all black playing characters with all games ending without a winner or loser.
Rouile admits his group’s goal is unlikely to succeed, but says it’s just part of a long game strategy. “With modern AI and computers, now people are not needed. Computers are better at the game than humans— so hopefully chess will, ultimately become unplayable.”
Although Rouile’s argument can’t seem to Connect Four, he says that once chess is defeated his group’s next move will be working to cancel pianos, which he calls instruments of racism as they are dominated by 52 white keys and only 36 black keys.
– with files from Rita Junior
