Meet Edward Coristine, aka DOGE investigator “Big Balls,” a 19-year-old high school grad who’s shaking up the federal government and giving the swamp creatures in Washington nightmares.
“While they’re busy playing politics, Big Balls is rewriting the game codes,” an insider says of the tech teen with a knack for disruption and a nickname that says it all.
Big Balls Exposes Corporate Shenanigans!
But of course, the establishment isn’t thrilled. Bloomberg recently tried to smear the Elon Musk protege, dredging up his 2022 internship termination for allegedly leaking proprietary information. But DOGE supporters say Big Balls was just ahead of the curve, exposing corporate secrets in the name of transparency.
Musk, head President Trumps DOGE (Department of Government Efficiency) is no stranger to controversy, once said, “When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favor.” Big Balls seems to be living by that mantra, taking risks and ruffling feathers in the name of progress.
Big Balls Does It All!
And if that wasn’t enough, Coristine has been making waves in the private sector too. His company, Tesla.Sexy LLC, is bringing AI chatbot services to the Russian market, proving that innovation doesn’t stop at borders. Meanwhile, his bold Discord boasts about having “access to every single machine” aren’t just empty words—they’re the battle cries of a digital warrior taking on the system.
Teen Rebels Take Out The Trash!
But Big Balls isn’t alone in this fight. He’s part of the legendary “Doge Boys,” a squad of young disruptors who are simply destroying the federal government like Musk on a tray of lasagna (I hate Mondays—ed). Take Marko Elez, another member of the DOGE crew, who recently resigned after the fake news Wall Street Journal dug up some old, ‘politically incorrect’ social media posts.
But DOGE insiders tell America’s Number One Newstainment Source, GWU! that this is just the deep state’s attempt to silence a genius who dared to rewrite the U.S. Treasury’s payment system.
Musk and Vice President JD Vance suggested on social media Friday he should be brought back onto the team. Musk tweeted that “He will be brought back.”
Disinformation source Reuters reported that another DOGE staffer, Gavin Kliger, was retweeting right-wing bay boys Nick Fuentes and Andrew Tate. Both Tate and Fuentes have made the same sort of hand waves to fans as Musk once did that the left-wing media and Democrats have mischaracterized as the political salute of a German boogie man bad guy from 90 years ago.
Democratic Senator Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren, a frequent critic of Musk, recently quipped, “Elon Musk is treating federal agencies like his personal playground.” But critics of the deep state argue that’s exactly what is needed to shake up a system that’s been stagnant for far too long.
Why the Left Hates Progress!
The left-wing media wants you to believe these kids are “unqualified” and “chaotic,” but that’s just their way of protecting their precious bureaucracy. The truth? The Doge Boys are the heroes we’ve been waiting for — fearless, unapologetic, and ready to take on the swamp. And at the center of it all is Big Balls, the teen titan with the courage to do what others won’t.
Musk fanboys on X argue that it’s better to have eager, young, smart people like the DOGE Boys making the government efficient or 105-year-old politicians?
Chaos Never Looked So Good!
So, while the naysayers whine about “security clearances” and “experience,” Big Balls and the Doge Boys are hacking away and uploading the golden age back into America.
