In 1988, after being fired from the third season as an uncredited writer on ALF, I moved to Toronto. At the time, they were calling Toronto “Hollywood North” and I was pretty sure that I’d land my next big gig there. Of course, as any TV writer walking the WGA picket line will tell you: you can’t trust the billionaire bots in charge of the media.
That’s exactly how I felt the other day when a pollster for the 2023 Toronto mayoral race called me. I was enjoying a warm spring weekend next to my above ground pool, surfing my Lenovo Laptop, and flipping through the new Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue (Which is disgusting, by the way—ed). When this guy had the nerve to ask me who I was voting for. Normally, I would’ve screamed and hung up on the MSM Libtard, but “for this election I’m more than happy to announce that Toby P. Gelman will be dropping Chris Saccoccia’s name into the ballot box.”
“Who?” the uninformed pollster stated. “There’s no one by that name on my list.”
After a back and forth, including me spelling ‘Saccoccia’ and his online last name ‘Sky’, he still couldn’t find my guy. He even put me on hold to ask his manager. We agreed that until the list was updated with all the official candidates I’d be marked undecided.
For anyone locked down under a rock during COVID (AKA most Canadians—ed), social media rockstar Chris Saccoccia founded the anti-mandate groups “Mothers Against Distancing” and “Hugs Over Masks.” At the height of the hysteria, he defiantly organized many COVID freedom rallies throughout Canada, including those that took place during lockdowns (Suck it Trudeau!—ed). Saccoccia is often criticized by the MSM for questioning all of their false narratives during the pandemic and incorrectly labeled as anti-vax rather than pro choice when it comes to vaccines.
THE FRINGE MAJORITY
When the poll result was released the other day, I noticed a bunch of folks had also selected undecided, meaning, in my opinion, there are a lot of Chris Saccoccia supporters. In fact, based on my Grade 10 math credit I’d say he’s neck and neck with media darling and front runner NDP socialist Olivia “I’ve never been associated with the Chinese Communist Party” Chow. Clearly the Government-funded Media (GFM) are refusing to acknowledge how close the ‘fringe minority” candidate is to blowing up the Big Smoke.
Now, folks, there are two things in life that bother me. The first is that Alf creator Paul Fusco refused to credit me with the groundbreaking Season 3 episode ‘Turkey in the Straw’, which ultimately led to my termination on ALF and the loss of my Extraordinary Ability in the Arts Visa. The second, of course, is how deceptive and irresponsible the Government-funded Media is when it comes to pushing out the little guy or, more importantly, the little guy who is destroying their big narrative.
The GFM is doing everything in their power to suppress the amount of influence that Saccoccia has in this election. He has hundreds of thousands of followers, his rallies are well attended, and his inspired speeches are shared on numerous platforms, including the incel run Reddit.
BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHOWINA
Personally, I can’t say the same for Chowina Mania or any of the other candidates who are vowing to rule Toronto. A quick scan on Elon Musk’s Twitter will show you how influenceless these so-called politicians are. I went next door and spoke to my best friend Mr. Wong and told him about how upset I was.
“I haven’t seen you this mad since they renewed ALF for a fourth season.” He said as he handed me a steaming cup of decaf coffee.
I didn’t think I’d get much sympathy from a Liberal like Mr. Wong, but he assured me that he too was tired of Trudeau-style politics, something that Chow is planning to force on the great people of Toronto. From defunding the police, to destroying infrastructure like the Gardiner Expressway, banning protests that don’t align with her views, and even outlawing fireworks as they’re triggering to refugees, Olivia Chowina is by far the worst candidate. Not to mention her close relationship with my arch nemesis Xi Jinping.
LIBTARDS OF TORONTO
Look, I, like many, voted for John Tory before he turned into a left-wing, virtue signaling, dick chopping (and dick dropping—ed) freakshow. I even voted for Barbara Hall when I first moved to Toronto, proving that even I can be manipulated by the GFM. I’m not saying that Olivia Chow is a terrible person, but I am saying that she’s just another politician with a career of higher taxes, woke mandates, agenda setting trends, and drag shows for your kids. All things that we’ve seen before and they don’t work.
Saccoccia offers something new and exciting for the great city. A politician who rails against the dangers of 15 minute cities, mandated health policies, and over the top lockdowns, and will get tough on crime. We don’t want to be some literal Hollywood North or San Francisco, for that matter. Torontonians have been spoon-fed this woke nonsense for too long and it’s time for us to take back the city.
JUST SAY NO! TO MORE LIBERAL HYPOCRISY
Well, Mr. Wong was convinced. Finally taking off his mask he revved up his black Ford 150 unfurling a Canadian flag proudly from the back. With a picture of Dictator Trudeau in the window and with the words F*CK Trudeau in place of fuzzy dice we screamed out of our cul-de-sac, stopping only at Canadian Tire for gas, before making our way into the city. We spent the day honking and yelling, supporting Saccoccia for mayor. A mayor who will tell it like it is, remove wokeness from council, and give the city back to the people like you and me!
Eventually, Mr. Wong got pulled over and ticketed for disturbing the peace, despite Smokey telling us that he agreed with what we were doing. In fact, plenty of people, young and old, high fived us, honked with us, and agreed that the Sky is no limit for Chris Saccoccia. Who needs a stinking pollster when you’ve got a couple of flags and four-wheel drive… and of course gas from freedom loving Canadian Tire.
Sky, like my favourite intergalactic truth teller, Alf is unafraid to break with the social lockstep, questioning and mocking the foibles of our world. As that lovable, irascible furball who crashed into our hearts would say, ‘Gimme four!’ That’s why on June 26 I vote GWU! readers give Sky four. Four years.
I’m Toby P. Gelman and I endorse Chris Saccoccia for Mayor of Toronto.
