Honey, grab your popcorn and a stiff drink, as America’s Number One Source of Newstainment, GWU! slams down the juicy, scandalous, and downright cringe-worthy world of late-night TV.

These hosts might be household names, but most of them are about to be homeless if they keep letting President Trump live rent-free in their heads.

From canned laughs to smug rants, here’s the tea on some of the worst TV on late night.

The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon (NBC)

The Tonight Show has been limping along since 2014, when Jimmy Fallon took over from Jay Leno, who in retrospect somehow makes Fallon look edgy. Fallon, a former SNL cast member, is best known for his dramatic acting ability to laugh at his own jokes louder than the audience does and white guy rapping. His past work includes Taxi (a box office flop) and Fever Pitch (a movie so forgettable, even Jimmy forgot he was in it—ed).

Byner Bits

• Jimmy’s opening monologue is so cringe worthy that even the laugh track stops chuckling.
• The show’s celebrity interviews are so soft, they make marshmallows look edgy. Including that time he touched Donald Trumps hair!
• Jimmybos”Thank You Notes” segment is a desperate cry for gratitude from someone who knows his guests are randomly pulled off the Rockefeller elevators.
• His games with celebrities are so painful, even the participants look like they’re being held hostage.

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS)

Vaccine salesman and part time TV man Stephen Colbert was best known for The Colbert Report, where he pretended to be a right-wing pundit—turns out, he was just preparing for sanctimonious pandering to his current audience of left-wing bird brains. His past work also includes Strangers with Candy, a show so niche, even his dead mom in heaven didn’t watch it.

Byner Bits

• Stephen Colbert’s left-wing political satire is so predictable, even the teleprompter knows where he’s going.
• His interviews are so rehearsed, the guests are said to sign NDAs to keep the awkward pauses off YouTube.
• Colbert’s Trump impression is so overdone, even Melania stopped hate watching.

Jimmy Kimmel Live! (ABC)

Jimmy Kimmel Live! is a late-night MUST routine for people who fall asleep before the good shows come on. Kimmel, former host of The Man Show, is best known for making childish men feel better about their maturity levels. His past work includes Win Ben Stein’s Money, a game show so boring, even Ben Stein fell asleep hosting it.

Byner Bits

• Jimmy Kimmel’s comedy bits are so outdated, they are written on stone tablets.
• His “Mean Tweets” segment features celebrities laughing at him instead of with him.
• Kimmel’s emotional monologues are so frequent his sponsor, Kleenex has stopped suppling free tissues on set.
• Kimmel’s chemistry with security guard Guillermo is the only thing keeping this show alive—and even that’s on life support. And health care ain’t for sickos, Wheezy Jimmy!

Late Night with Seth Meyers (NBC)

Seth Meyers, a former head writer for SNL, is best known for writing sketches that even the cast forgot about, while they were performing them. His past work includes The Awesomes, an animated series so underwhelming, it made Family Guy look like high art.

Byner Bits

• Seth Meyers’ “A Closer Look” segments are so long, they should come with an intermission.
• His jokes are so safe, they make NYC’s Guardian Angels look reckless.
• Seth’s delivery is so dry, even the Sahara Desert is like: “Can you tone it down?”

The Daily Show (Comedy Central)

The Daily Show has been on the air since 1996, surviving multiple host changes and a rotating door of correspondents who all think they’re funnier than they are. Trevor Noah left in 2022, leaving behind a show that’s still trying to figure out what it wants to be. The show’s past hosts include Jon Stewart, who left to do something actually important, and Craig Kilborn, who left to be forgotten. Stewart finally returned just in time for the death of liberalism, the Democrats, and satire. 

Byner Bits

• The rotating hosts are so inconsistent, even the audience is like, “Wait, who’s this guy again?”
• The show’s political commentary is so biased, it makes CNN look fair and balanced.
• The show’s attempts at being woke are so artificial, they make corporate diversity training look authentic.

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

Super woke Brit John Oliver loves to yell at Americans about things they don’t care about, and that he doesn’t actually understand. With the UK comedic sensibility of Benny Hill without the naked ladies, Oliver is best known for his ability to turn a 2-minute bit into a 30-minute lecture. His past work includes Community, where he played a psychology professor—ironic since his show now makes viewers want to lie down.

Byner Bits

• Oliver’s investigative reporting is so ‘thorough’, it’s like watching Wikipedia read itself out loud.
• I love his new bit: Angry Eating Fish and Chips to Trump Clips.
• His chemistry with his desk is the most stable relationship on TV. 

Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

Real Time has been on the air since 2003, giving Bill Maher a platform to offend everyone equally. Maher, the former host of Politically Incorrect, is best known for his ability to make even his guests regret showing up. His past work includes Religulous, a documentary so smug, it made atheists want to kill themselves even knowing there was literally nothing after that, AKA a rerun of Last Week Tonight, and DC Cab, (which earned Mr. T his only Oscar nomination—ed).

Byner Bits

• His panel discussions are so chaotic, they make Thanksgiving dinner look like a UN summit.
• With hair so perfect, it’s clearly the only thing he cares about more than his ego.
• Maher’s late stage Alzheimer’s has him finally coming around to the truth about 9/11, Covid and the Democratic Party. Or is it just the pot talking?

And so, until tomorrow, good night

There you have it, darlings—a late-night smack snack, served with a side of sass and a sprinkle of scandal. Who’s your favorite trainwreck? Let us know on the socials (but don’t tell Bill Maher—he’ll probably yell at you).