Letter to the Editor
Dear Karen and Kevin,
When Iran rightly blindsided Israel with billions of dollars in bombs on Saturday night, I watched on X (formerly Twitter) with eager anticipation. During my first year as a retired city worker from the New York City Sanitation Department (SHOUT OUT TO LOCAL 831!) all I have done is protested Israel’s genocide of Gaza. But after watching the drones fly over the so-called Holy Land, a friend told me that if WW3 breaks out, I could be drafted to fight for America. Huh? WTF?
As a former city worker, I have no real experience in working, let alone fighting for anything besides another paid break (as secured by Local 831 in our recent contract. 831!). Look, I’m definitely not interested in taking up arms or even raising my arm higher than is required to insert a New York Sausage into my mouth. I would much prefer to wage war via the comfort of my online echo chamber.
Sausage lover, not a fighter in Queens
Hey Sausage,
Thumbs up! I like to spend most of my day—still unwaged—clicking from online echo chamber to echo chamber, shouting about what’s wrong with the world. Perhaps you’re an OP whose mainstream media posts I’ve Upped on Reddit!
While here in Canada we socialists condone the attack on Israel—it does get a bit confusing. The thing is I hate Israel for their genocide on Gaza, but I hate Iran even more because of their treatment of women. Did you know they don’t let them drive!
So, I guess I support Israel in their fight against these oppressive patriarchal Arab nations? I’ll have to check with my wife Karen. She wears the pants in this occupied territory!
As far as I know regarding a draft, if there were one, yes, it would likely affect you. As the nominal union workers retirement age is 55 you are well within the peak of your fighting prime. (In Canada, all our soldiers are either aging Boomers, LGBTQ2S+ or International Students trying to stay in the country now that their diploma mills have been shut down.)
My advice to you then is to escape to another country to dodge the draft. But not Canada, this isn’t the 1970s! I understand the southern border is basically open so try there.
— Kevin
Following up on and correcting my life partner Kevin’s inane ramblings, I characteristically disagree totally.
As an advocate of peace, I demand that everyone fight. It’s your duty as a citizen of the world to give your life for whatever cause is the Current Thing. And the current thing, currently is defending Israel from Iran. My new boyfriend, Craig, deployed yesterday from Fitzroy Harbour.
He will be heroically operating a Contixo F21 Quadcopter BestBuy Drone from his suburban one bedroom basement apartment (whenever he’s not working on his installation art or writing grant proposals for his installation art). His latest performance piece was actually enacting an anti-Palestinian (or was it anti-Israeli?) street blockade on the Corktown Footbridge. It was done in a surrealist style of the American bridge protests that involved more than one person … and cars. I brought Kevin to see the opening, but the cuck wasn’t progressive enough to get it. He asked me: “But how is blocking the road and annoying regular people going to bring anyone onside with this important issue?” Nice critical thinking, moron. Forget about watching Craig penetrate my iron dome, Kevin!
Where was I… oh, Sausage. What’s important for you to understand is that you being drafted into the meat grinder of a foreign war is the only way Israel can win this newly developing 1000 year old middle east conflict.
When Iran launched those outdated, slow missiles (basically garbage—ed) with 5 hours advance notice to both Israel and international military forces they weren’t just sending a signal. Nope. Even though they knew that the missiles would never reach, let alone penetrate their target they weren’t just making a show of force, they were literally declaring WW3. If you can’t see that then my boyfriend has a bridge he can sell you.
— Karen
