And the award goes to … the GWU! Oscar BINGO! Chaos reigns as Anora and The Brutalist vie for glory and ticket sales at the 97th Academy Awards this Sunday. The drama, the suspense, the commercials! Will Demi Moore accidentally thank Harvey Weinstein? Will there be a vaccident live on stage? How many seat fillers will walk out before the show is over? Play the GWU! Oscar Bingo for the prize of hours-long cringe speeches and navel-gazing narcissism!
Our very own Clammy J. Byner is live on the red carpet covering this year’s race that he says is tighter than Timothée Chalamet’s pants. “Will Anora pull off a shocker? Can Adrien Brody’s Bafta win save The Brutalist from obscurity, or will the Academy decide Bob Dylan biopics are still cool (they’re not)?” poses our Hollyweird correspondent. “And let’s talk about the real drama: the spectacle. Will pasty-faced podcaster Conan O’Brien do the entire show in whiteface? Will Will Smith sneak in, or will the biggest shocker be Donald Trump winning for Best Post Colonial Deconstruction of DEI?”
One thing’s certain: this year’s Oscars will be a hot mess, and GWU! is here for every glorious second. Popcorn ready, folks—it’s going to be a wild ride.
Play along at home with your official GWU! Oscar game card that will have you shouting BINGO!!!
