As I stand united with the working class Hollywood hero scribes (from behind my keyboard) I worry over what improvised toxic garbage will take the place of the finely scripted shows that have graced our screens during the beloved ‘Covid Era of TV’.
Without these writers creative talents there can be no crime dramas where every character wears a mask, soap operas where we are reminded to wash our hands or late night talk shows that use edutainment to expound on the importance of vaccination in between interviews with Dr. St. Anthony Fauci and that Asian doctor lady who changed her mind on masking and now we all hate.
With the Writers Guild of America stars of TV, film and pretensions animated shorts withholding their talents until a fair deal is reached with the 1% that really pull the strings behind the sets of American TV this is proving to be an issue that is extremely problematic for OUR DEMOCRACY. It would seem that the powers that be in Hollywood are now just kowtowing to the only ‘original’ programming still going. Namely, the toxic Fandom Menace, whose manipulative, unsporting tactics include excessive amounts of racism, flimflam and review-bombing (e.g. Amazon’s the Rings of Power, Disney’s Little Mermaid remake).
Alt-right YouTubers like Nerdrotic and The Critical Drinker have cultivated an army of mush-brained Nazis by gaslighting their audience about “the woke agenda.” A grift which has paid off well for them but had disastrous consequences for the respectable entertainment establishment, access media and cinephiles.
In the absence of new scripted drama and in an honest gesture of love and total non-grifting move I now present the final fourth part of my trilogy to save Hollywood: (Bookers please note that I am repped by McRoberts Talent and Etc.)
12 ANGRY WOMXN[I’ve never seen the original “12 Angry Men” or the preceding 11 films in the series as it promotes toxic masculinity and comes from the boring, bigoted, boomer days, when the world was in black and white and womxn were expected to be sex slaves for their husbands. This is a franchise that was in desperate need of a modern update.]
INT. COURT HOUSE – DAY
A trans, half-BIPOC, half-Latinx Jewish Eskimo is on trial for no reason whatsoever. Before the prosecution can even open their mouths to begin opening statements, the White cis male judge bangs his gavel repeatedly on the desk in white hot fury.
JUDGE
Guilty, guilty, guilty!!!
The jurors (all persons identifying as female) shake their heads in shock and sadness. Juror #1 (played by Emma Watson) stands up, literally shaking with anger. All but one of the womxn are wearing masks (she is stupid).
JUROR #1
Now hold on a second, Your Honour. This person has done nothing wrong.
Juror #2 (played by Lizzo) stands up too, snapping her fingers.
JUROR #2
Mm-hm, you tell him, girl.
JUROR #3 (played by Meghan Markle if we can coax her out of retirement; this might prove difficult as we know how much she values her privacy) joins the two other jurors and stares down the judge.
JUROR #3
We bout to put yo ass on trial, Judge!
Everyone in the courtroom claps, including the Judge himself.
CUT TO
INT. JURY DELIBERATION ROOM – DAY
All of the jurors sit around the table deliberating the judge’s guilt. Jurors #4 (Olivia Wilde), #5 (Elizabeth Banks), and #6 (Drew Barrymore) respectfully step aside to allow Juror #7 (Dylan Mulvaney) the chance to cast their votes for them.
JUROR #7
We all vote — Guilty AF!
JURORS #4, 5, & 6
Yaaaaas.
Sulking in the corner, maskless Juror #8 (played by someone who resembles J.K. Rowling) mutters transphobic slurs as the rest of the womxn ignore her. Juror #9 (Patti LuPone) walks over to #8 and slaps her hard across the face.
JUROR #9
Where’s your mask, bitch? Huh? Where’s your fucking mask? Do you want us to literally DIE?!
Jurors #10 (Halle Bailey) and #11 (Jessica Chastain) attempt to hold her back as a terrified #8 clumsily puts her mask on. She is clearly not just stupid but retarded.
At the head of the table, Juror #1 turns to #12 (played by Amber Heard in a comeback role for the ages).
JUROR #1
What’s your verdict?
JUROR #12
Oh that son of a bitch is guilty. Push for the death penalty.
CUT TO
INT. COURT HOUSE – DAY
Juror #1 stands up and faces the Judge.
JUROR #1
We the Jury find the accused Judge guilty of being a bigoted, sexist, toxic white cis male. We recommend a sentence of immediate death without the possibility for parole – Do Better.
The humbled Judge bangs his gavel for the last time – on his own head at full force. He dies of Covid.
THE END
