With the recent mandate for the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation to increase its diversity programming by 30% this fall, the state-funded media corporation is scrambling for new woke content. And a source within the federally funded Canadian TV network has leaked to Get Woke Up! its top 10 upcoming Woke programs that are rumoured to possibly be in development for the new TV season.

10. Three Men Having a Baby

Ted Danson, Tom Sellick and Sir Steven Guttenberg, return to the boobtube (can we still say that?) in this compelling real life docudrama proving that men can not only raise a baby, but can also birth one. But wait, who’s the father? Tune in to find out!

9. LGBTQ-ALF

A lesbian couple is shocked to discover a real life transgendered furry creature hiding out in their garage who is constantly trying to eat their pussy. On the run from a ‘Donald Trump’ like politician can ALF cross the border at Roxham Road into the welcoming arms of his ‘Justin Trudeau’ like lover?

8. He/Him/She/Her…Man!

Once a superhero ridding the planet of evil, this all-trans cast and crew remake focuses on important questions like who I am? Is gender a social construct? And who’s paying for this crap? ANSWER: You are!

7. The King of Drag Queens

This children’s show follows a group of queens who infiltrate local libraries and groom young children into dispelling the myth that they’re actually men, while reading books like Mommy, Can I Get a Dick Saw? and Let’s Skip the Cottage and Go to Pride. (Warning: most scenes contain full frontal beard nudity and horrible fashion.)

6. Party of Five Vaccines

It’s a family affair as this hip Montreal family learns to work together after their parents die from the COVID vaccine. Will the siblings take a hint and stop putting this junk in their arms, or will they ultimately meet the same fate as their parents? No word on Season 2.

5. The Plan B-Team

Join four rebellious, righteous and independent average American women as they abort and abort and abort in this home renovation/abortion reality show that pulls out walls and unborn children. (Spoiler: The Property Brothers have agreed to cameo, provided a scene about them ‘not being gay’ is included. I love it when a plan comes together!)

4. Mohawk Street Blues

After using a wonky ground penetrating radar device, the boys of Mohawk Street contemplate digging up the graves near residential schools. Each episode (there are 52) ends with them deciding they’ll wait until the following week. The half-hour show will also include a fifteen minute land acknowledgement. Special guest appearance by Trudeau and his racially diverse ensemble cabinet taking a knee and leaving stuffed bears on the supposed grave sites.

3. Cagney & Lacey – Enviro-cops

Mélanie Joly and Chrystia Freeland star as gender bending WEF ESG special agents as they mom-tilt their frowning faces through Europe arresting hateful promoters of democracy and eliminating carbon. Tagline: The carbon they want to eliminate, IS YOU!

2. Saved by the Liberal Bot

The original cast of Save the The Bell return (not Screech, he’s dead, we don’t talk about him) in this fun new comedy that sees your Saturday morning teenage crushes relocated from Bayside High to a secret Bot Farm in northern China. Now working for the U.S. government can Zach, Kelly, AC, Lisa, Jessie, and Mr. Belding stop the spread of dangerous misinformation and keep their Chinese slave masters entertained with their wacky American antics? (Cliffhanger at the end of Season 1 sees Jessie executed for being “an American whore.”)

1. Big Brother Canada

The government is watching you. Your every move, your every choice has been preselected, filtered and edited to fit the narrative. You have no true choice in the surveillance state. (Wait, that’s not a TV show, it’s just real life! With the right ad campaign this thing can run forever!)