With Sleepy Joe Biden dismantling his COVID response task force, the world is finally ready to accept that the pandemic is over. (We’ve been saying it for three years—ed). While most of the world is ready to move on to the next Current Thing: WWIII, men dressed as women, and/or pride uniforms at McDonalds, GWU! has decided to take a look back at some of the most vocal vaccine pushers on social media to show you what the Long COVID effects of ‘fighting a pandemic’ can do to a person… and it ain’t pretty.
Meathead @robreiner
Former funnyman of groundbreaking comedy ‘All In The Family’ and director of mockumentary masterpiece ‘This Is Spinaltap’ used to delight in poking fun at the ills of society. But when Reiner came down with TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome) in 2016 his funny bone was forever broken!
The added stress of the pandemic frayed Reiner’s already fading comedic wit as he tied himself up in knots trying to defend the anti-science dictates of his pals in the Democratic party. Plastic barriers between McDonalds employees and customers, anyone? While 99.98% of Meathead’s tweets were proven to be ineffective they also provided no protection against the effects of CNN propaganda or him gaining COVID 19(0) pounds.
Man What a Woman! @michelleobama
Oh man! Former first ‘lady’ Michelle Obama never quit flexing the long arm of the deep state during the plandemic. Following Anthony Fauci around everywhere he went (including the little boys room), Michelle went from being a goodwill ambassador for exercise and vegetables to a big pharma shill.
We can all see what the effects of the pandemic had on us, but none were more prevalent than on the former first lady (you mean man, man—ed). Michelle went from the glamourous sidekick to her corrupt Hubby to just letting it all hang out. Can you believe it? NO WE CAN’T!
‘Not A Dr.’ @BillGates
When nightmare nerd king Bill Gates transitioned from buggy software to selling bugs and vaccines the general public ate it up. In between trips to Epstein Island the college dropout ‘not a Dr.’ Bill Gates was able to make billions in the sale of vaccines that he held the patents on, using the money to buy up farm land for his next grift of cricket food production plants. Despite, ‘not a Dr.’ Gates worst intentions for mankind the drug pusher eventually overdosed on his own supply, ending up a divorced and disgraced total tit.
Best Freedom Supporting Character @robschneider
Who would have thought that second banana to Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider would become the leading voice for bodily autonomy, informed consent and personal liberty in the face of government overreach during the pandemic? Schneider went from being a copy boy on SNL to an original truth teller on Twitter.
Dancing Her Way Into Our Hates @ellendegeneres
Pre-Covid everyone loved this self-deprecating dyke who danced into our hearts via afternoon television just short of twenty years ago. But when Hollyweird was ordered to stay home to stay safe the song appeared to be ending for DeGeneres as leaked reports of racial insensitivity, sexual harassment and bullying behind the scenes started coming out of the closet.
DeGeneres tried desperately to cling to her afternoon chat spot, hosting the failing broadcast from the comfort of her Montecito mansion overlooking the Pacific Ocean. But without the help of her usual team of writers, producers and makeup artists able to animate her Skelator-like face the entire thing came off like an underproduced Youtube stream. In the famous words of Ellen, remember, be kind to one another, unless they work for you. Then you can treat them like shit.
Fratboy Billionaire @elonmusk
Life in the electric cars-only fast lane didn’t go well for El Presidente of Twitter. The long days and nights tucked away in his Austin, Texas, fortress and the loss of billions in stocks, found the former king of Silicon Valley (who is the only one who laughs at his own tweets) has aged like a Maga Hat waiting for The Donald to return to Twitter.
The once spry savior of the human race has struggled with weight gain, failed lovers, and a litter of children that post-pandemic has left the former exec of Paypal looking more like an eight dollar cheeseburger than one of the richest people in the world.
DJ Fears-a-lot @charlesadler
Before the pandemic Adler was often described as Canada’s answer to conservative AM radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh. But something weird happened during the pandy that turned the once popular top-rated host into a Liberal boot licker without a platform. Twitter seems to have filled his empty radio tubes where he loves nothing more than to pump out the hits against democracy for his payola political masters.
Despite Adler’s insistence that not doing everything the government tells you means certain death, GWU! is tuned into the fact that there’s no expiry date on freedom. Suck it old man!
Justin Jabber @justinbieber
Back in his salad days on YouTube, Justin Bieber had it all: fast cars, hit songs, and beautiful women. About to embark on a world tour, the son-in-law of the lesser known Baldwin took the advice of ‘not a Dr.’ Bill Gates (see above) and got the jab.
To cut this mellow dramatic screenplay short; basically the pride of Southern Ontario ended up with a deformed face and equally messed up wife thanks to the jibidajab. What was sure to be the American Dream turned into Frankenstein Goes to Hollywood. These days, the experimental Pfizer vaccine victim has hidden himself away on Sunset Boulevard TikTok dueting with Norma Desmond: ‘I’m ready for my close up, Dr. Fauci!’
