2024 Election

It’s a Bad Time to Be Woke

Get Woke, Go Broke has never been more true

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BE CNNING YOU!

Just weeks after its heavily promoted and lavish CNN+ launch, the Atlanta-based cable news company pulled the plug – literally. This left wing 404 error was spotted early by owner Warner Bros. Discovery.

DROP THE PIZZAGATE, I’M STARVED: Could CNN chubster Brian Stelter (giant talking head on screen behind real journalist Alex Jones) be the next left wing propagandist in the line at the food bank? (“Do you have 10 or 12 frozen pizzas? I pledge to cook it fairly and balanced in my hotel microwave.”) 

The media monolith saw that very few people were willing to sign up for the costly $5.99 per month subscription fee for the on-demand news service and took CNN+ off life support after only one month. Although the precise numbers are secret, insiders are saying that they are not even a blip on the radar that alt-news youtubers like Russell Brand and Ben Shapiro are regularly pulling in. 

Looks like this iteration of CNN won’t be cancelling anyone! Except it’s overpaid repeaters, er … reporters. Luckily for the left there’s still Joe Biden’s Ministry of Truth the public can rely on for all their fake news needs.

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