Presidential hopeful Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is spicing up the race to the White House with the expected announcement of sexy Silicon Valley girl Nicole Shanahan as his running mate.
“A smart and hot running mate like Nicole is definitely putting pressure on both Trump and Biden to also pick up a trophy girl VP,” explains a NYU political science professor to GWU! over Microsoft Teams. “Nicole is going to add a more youthful and exotic look to RFK’s ticket than the old, dementia-filled playbook we’re seeing from the frontrunners.”
While rumors swirled earlier in the year that Trump would be saddling up with Vivek Ramaswamy or Ron DeSantis, it’s clear that RFK has one upped everyone.
“For Biden, he’s essentially stuck with Harris, who has become as unpopular as him in recent weeks,” adds our spin doctor of the electoral college.
Although Nicole Shanahan has no political experience, she has a track record of both donating to and drumming up financial support for Democratic Party candidates. She supported RFK’s initial run for the Dems, and continued the cheerleading even when he was squeezed out of the nom by the party’s backroom bagmen—forcing the descendant of the Kennedy legacy to run as an independent.
In fact, Shanahan put her money where her mouth was when she ponied up $4 million smackers for RFK’s recent NFL Super Bowl TV ad.
Scarlet Letter X
The 38-year-old Shanahan, a native of Oakland, California, made headlines last year amid rumors of an illicit affair with X chief Elon Musk. The reported tryst led to the collapse of Shanahan’s marriage to Google co-founder and billionaire Sergey Brin. However, both Shanahan and Musk deny the allegations and claim to be ‘just friends’.
Musk called the salacious news “total bs” and insists that he only met with Shanahan twice to give advice on how to help her daughter receive autism treatments.
Despite Musk claiming to be in good standing with Google’s big boss, Musk, as recently as the other day, tweeted: “Google is deeply infected with the woke mind virus.”
Bobby and the Jets
“Personally, I can’t see many attractive females who would want to tie themselves to Trump or Biden,” groans our #Dem4Life professor. “Even if it is for the coveted role of VP, I can’t imagine Trump could bed adult film star Stormy Daniels or former Miss North Carolina Samantha Holvey, politically speaking.”
RFK had been rumored to be looking at NY Jets QB Aaron Rogers, before calling an audible and cozying up next to Shanahan.
“Nicole is the ying to RFK’s wang, I mean yang,” jests GWU! gossip columnist CJ Byner. “This election is about the future,” he gushes, “AI, Crypto, CBDCs, border control, and Bidenomics. A model candidate like Shanahan paints the perfect backdrop to RFK’s hard-hitting policies, which also include the dangers of testing experimental vaccines on children.”
A Winning Argument
As a lawyer, Shanahan has a track record for fighting for criminal justice reform, helping to improve the environment, and researching women’s reproductive longevity. Many view her nomination as a natural fit for Kennedy who was also a crusading lawyer. Although Shanahan has never directly spoken the truth about the dangers of vaccines she has endorsed Kennedy’s so-called ‘controversial’ views.
As the daughter of a Chinese immigrant mother and an American father who struggled with Bi-polar disorder, Shanahan is a self-made woman. She put herself through law school and rapidly advanced her career by founding the hi-tech patent law firm ClearAccessIPs that uses cutting edge AI to analyze and manage client portfolios.
Political insiders expect Shanahan to bring financial interest from the tech industry and excite young, diverse voters looking for the change that Kennedy has promised to the electorate: “To end the forever wars, clean up the government, increase wealth for all, and tell Americans the truth.”
Big Tech Beauty Launch Success
“Trump is clearly in the lead, but if people on the right and left start to wake up to the possibility of RFK, a showdown in November may come down to how sexy your VP is …. and there’s nothing sexy in the Trump or Biden war chests,” confesses Byner.
Will the rumors about Spaceman Musk throw RFK’s campaign out of orbit? Our insiders all agree that the continued social media exposure will actually increase interest in the outsiders’ political campaign.
Shanahan, who has since started a relationship with Bitcoin development company Lightning Labs VP, Jacob Strumwasser, insists that her friendship with Elon was purely platonic.
“Did Elon and I have sex, like it was a moment of passion, and then it was over? No.” she told the press when the news first broke. “Did we have a romantic relationship? No. We didn’t have an affair. It was a conversation that was very meaningful about life and how people show up for one another.”
