Russian Booze Ban from State-Controlled Liquor Stores has Freedom Fighters Pissed

In a blatantly symbolic and ultimately meaningless virtue signalling gesture, Premier Doug Ford has ordered that the state-controlled liquor store chain, LCBO, ban the sale of all Russian vodka, as an intended show of solidarity with the people of Ukraine as their country is predictably annexed by Russia later this week.

“Just when things are opening up again, our draconian leaders impose another mandate on freedoms,” adds our Get Woke Up! political strategist and former PPC candidate for a backwater, forgettable Ontario county. “Despite the truckers for freedom winning in Ottawa, the government still has to strong-arm the citizens.”

Although the LCBO is one of the world’s largest buyers of booze, Canada only imported a paltry $3.78 million worth of alcoholic beverages from Russia in 2021, according to Statistics Canada. Vodka is the second most popular spirit among Canadian consumers after the far superior Canadian whisky.

One inebriated connoisseur of spirits we spoke to was unimpressed with the banning of Russian vodka in the province. “Who’s swallowing that PR magic, up on-high fire whiskey? It’s just a bunch of fancy thought wizard talk. Are they drunk? The LCBO already bought the damn vodka, so how is keeping it off the shelf and outta my bloodstream gonna help a bunch of so-called freedom fighters?”   

Ontario Finance Minister Peter Bethlenfalvy said in a statement Friday afternoon, “The people of Ontario will always stand against tyranny and oppression.” … Seemingly unaware of his government’s ongoing illegal infringement on the rights of Ontarians who have been subjected to two years of harsh lockdowns and restrictions. Measures that were in response to COVID-19–a flu-like virus that has a 99.98% survival rate. 

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has also announced sanctions against wealthy Russians, which he said would impose “severe costs on complicit Russian elites” in a bid to appease his long-suffering and recently jilted political partner, Jagmeet Singh of the NDP. Only a week previous, Trudeau abruptly cancelled his highly unpopular power grab enactment of The Emergencies (War Measures) Act, which only passed parliament with the support of the champagne socialist party. 

Premier Doug Ford said the discussion about removing Russian-made products began last week, after his government, which rules by opinion polls received calls for boycotts on social media.