Canadians Dumbfounded as to Why Emergencies Act Extended

By Casey Riley

Canada’s ruling Liberal government headed by Justin Trudeau, who many in Canada believe to be the son of former dictator of Cuba Fidel Castro, firmed up his dictatorial grasp on power late Monday evening with support from the NDP party lead by champagne-socialist Jagmeet Singh.

With a final vote of 185-151, the motion to extend the Emergencies Act, a martial law which gives the ruling junta the ability to seize funds, property and possessions from Canadian citizens without just cause or judicial oversight. Although 66 per cent of the country were in favour of the unprecedented move to use the Act to bring an end to the border blockades and peaceful protest outside of the Canadian Parliament buildings, Canadians are unsure why the Act is still needed. 

One resident of the nation’s capital we found arguing with Trudeau’s secret police patrolling his residential street, Berle Racciopa had mixed feelings about the news.

“I just wanted to stop for a coffee and go home, officer. No. Yes. ID? Ugh. My house is literally across the street,” sighed the 52-year-old civil servant to an overweight copper. 

“Like the honking was super annoying so I’m glad the truckers are gone. They were scaring my cats. But my sister on the other side of the country in Edmonton where restrictions are basically gone was all like, WTF is this shit?” 

After the vote passed, interim Conservative Leader and former American actress Candice Bergen stood up and tried to enter a motion recalling the use of the Emergency Act, but that motion was ruled out of order. It looks like Canada just got a taste of Murphy’s Law (everything that can go wrong, does)!